Facing Past Demons
by WickedBluerose
Summary: Charlie and Toby both confront their past, albeit not always willingly. Story takes place after episode 8 and before episode 11. Heavily explores issues raised in ep 8. T for adult themes, but no more so than was explored in the series.
1. Chapter 1

Facing Past Demons

Wicked Bluerose

06/19/2010

Disclaimer: I don't own The Listener or any of its characters – if I did there would certainly be more than 13 eps out right now! I suppose I created the character Ethan, but he is still a work in progress.

Brief intro notes: This story takes place after episode 8 "One way or Another" and sometime before episode 11 "Beginning to See the Light. In attempts to make it plain who is hearing what use the following key:

++ TEXT ++ = Toby is sensing with his gift

** TEXT ** = Other character is sensing with telepathy

+*+ TEXT +*+ = both Toby and other character sensing it with telepathy

Thank you to my Beta reader Joyce! Your input has been invaluable.

* * *

**Chapter One**

"Come on she was checking me out, right?" Oz persisted despite Toby's assurance that the woman at the sandwich stand was not interested.

"Give it up Oz." His gaze looked out at the passing city as the ambulance ambled on. A call came seconds later. Teenage girl was trapped in an equipment locker over on the south side. Arriving on the scene they could see the police car of the officer who had called it in. There were three other girls standing around in track uniforms and an older woman nearly in tears kneeling beside the locker with her head leaning against the door. The single story equipment locker was roughly nine feet by ten feet, and sat apart from the main school building with a metal security door on the front to deter mischievous students from playing 'let's see what equipment can disappear' pranks.

An officer strode up to the arriving EMS attendants and started running down the situation, "Cali Robbins, 14 years old. Didn't show up for gymnastics practice after school. When she didn't arrive home by normal time of 5:30pm the mother started calling friends and a quick search around school found her torn wristband on the ground outside the locker there. The girl who found it said she heard crying coming from the locker. Cali said she went in the locker to get some equipment, but the door locked and jammed. There should be plenty of oxygen inside a locker that size, but she became unresponsive about five minutes ago."

"Where's the keys?" Toby questioned as they neared the door, and could see the keyhole looked unmarred.

"Coach has them, but we have not been able to reach him." The officer responded.

"Excuse me ma'am, we're going to get your daughter out but I need you to back up from the door a little, OK?" his voice was gentle, and the woman just looked at Toby and nodded as she moved over to stand by the police. "Cali, can you hear me?" the shout only received silence in return. He reached out with his mind to the girl inside. _**++ Blood drops on the floor. Cut on her arm that was starting to clot. Disorientation. Confusion. ++ **_Toby lowered his voice so only his partner could hear, "She's hurt and lost some blood. We need to get in there now. Let's pry it open." Oz nodded and ran back to the truck to grab a crow bar. _**++ Leave me alone! Don't touch me! She was running from someone. ++ **_

"Hey man.." Oz nudged him and pulled him from the images then they both struggled with the crowbar to get the door open. Finally the latch let loose and the door flew open. There she lay half conscious with a small puddle of blood by her right hand. Toby and Oz rushed in as the police officer held everyone else back to give the paramedics room to work. Cali started to stir as they bandaged her arm.

"Cali? Can you hear me?" Toby was checking her eyes as she started to become more alert.

"What? Where am I?" She looked around dazed and on the verge of fainting.

"Your arm is hurt; we're going to take you to the hospital to get you checked out. Can you walk?" She looked at the EMS uniform and then to Toby's face, and nodded. He helped her to her feet and tried to keep her mother from overwhelming them as they exited the locker.

"Cali! What happened? Are you OK?" Ms. Robbins crowded around them.

"She's going to be fine, but I need you both to come to the hospital while she gets checked out. Let's step up into the back here." Toby helped them both get seated in the ambulance as Oz hopped up front and started driving.

"How did you get locked in there? You didn't show up for practice and -" frantically the questions rolled off Ms. Robbins's tongue.

"Ms. Robbins... please let's get her taken care of first then there will be time for questions." The relief on Cali's face was obvious as she closed her eyes to shut out the world. _**++ She slammed the locker door from the inside and grabbed up something to stick in the door to keep it from opening. Once safely inside the pain of her arm started to overwhelm her and she sunk to the floor in tears. ++**_ The hit told him there was more to this than accidentally getting trapped inside, but as Toby told her mother there would be time for questions later.

Upon arriving at the hospital, Oz and her mother accompanied Cali into the ER with Toby staying back a moment. He picked up his phone and dialed Charlie Mark's number glancing around as he did. It was always a struggle to determine what information to pass along; what would be useful rather than ineffective.

"Marks… " she sounded mildly distracted, but that was not unusual as he tended to catch her while she was in the middle of concentrating on a case, but her focus shifted as soon as she heard Toby's voice.

"Charlie… just pulled a girl out of an equipment locker. Story she gave to the officer on the scene was that she accidentally got locked in, but there is more to it. She was running from someone, and deliberately jammed that door from the inside." His voice was kept low to keep others from hearing.

"Do I even need to ask how you came about this information? Don't answer that. It's not much to go on. We've been over this before. You have to give me something solid. Was she injured? " Charlie wasn't exactly an 'ends always justify the means' kind of cop, and although Toby had come through with information that helped solve cases before it was frustrating to be brought in with so little to go on.

"She has a pretty nasty gash on her right arm, but other than that seems to be fine." He was walking to check on the girl as the conversation continued. Olivia was with her by the time Toby caught up. "I gotta go. Will let you know if something more comes up."

Charlie stared at the phone for a few moments after he had hung up. It's a good thing you can't read minds through the phone or I would be a head full right about now for wasting my time.

"Outside of a few stitches for your arm, you seem to be in good shape. Does anything else hurt?" Olivia asked.

Cali shook her head still a little out of it. "No I'm fine. It was just a stupid accident." ++ **Coach wants you to meet him over by the equipment locker before practice." ++** She started to stand up then fell forward on wobbly legs.

"Whoa… sure you're OK?" Toby caught her and helped her back up on the stretcher.

"Little dizzy is all… skipped out on lunch today, but will be fine once I get something to eat." Cali stammered unconvincingly. **++ Let go of me! ++ **The mental shout caused Toby to sway and take a step back.

"I think you should stay overnight at least to make sure you are indeed all right." Olivia turned to Ms. Robbins. "The admitting nurse can get you the needed paperwork while I get a room assigned."

"I'll be right back." Ms. Robbins kissed her daughter's forehead and patted her uninjured hand before walking off with the doctor in the direction Olivia had indicated.

Cali seemed to still be a little off balance even when sitting back down. Instinctively Toby gently placed a hand on her arm to steady her, but she flinched and pulled back almost causing herself to fall off in the process.

"It's OK… you just seemed a little unsteady. I'm sorry I startled you. Can you tell me what happened back there at the locker?" He opened his mind to see if he could get more of the story.

_**++ "Coach wants you to meet him…" There was a man in a uniform with a whistle. She hesitantly walked over to him as he opened the door to the locker and motioned her inside. "Can you help me get the extra mats out to the gym?" He asked. That's when She panicked. ++**_

"Like I said… it was a stupid accident. Must have pulled too hard on the door." Her eyes frantically darted around looking for some distraction.

"Pulled it shut?" He puzzled, "Thought you were taking stuff out." There was a discrepancy that had slipped by Cali who was still in a state of shock.

"I mean it slammed shut… must have been a strong wind or something." She stammered.

"Do you remember how you cut your arm? " Again he was fishing to put the missing pieces together.

She shook her head. _**++ Cali struck out with her arm up to push the coach back as she escaped into the locker and the keys he was holding scraped her arm. ++**_

A nurse came over with a wheelchair just as Ms. Robbins returned to her daughter's side. They helped Cali down, and Toby watched them wheel her off to her room. Ducking back down the hallway a bit he dialed Charlie's number again.

Charlie glanced at her cell phone this time before picking it up. "Toby I told you I can't do anything without – " but she was cut off.

"She was trying to get away from the coach. Can't tell why but she is hiding something, and I bet he knows whatever it is." With his voice not much above a whisper the other people in the hospital wouldn't be able to make out what he was saying..

_The coach?_ A rush of bad memories flooded over Charlie, but her voice stayed calm. "All right I'll go over and check it out in the morning." She took down the information on the school and tried to focus on finishing up the paperwork on her desk, but her thoughts from the past were determined to prevent any further work being accomplished. Finally after reading the same report three times, and still not being able to absorb the details she packed it up and went home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

The High School didn't look much different than a hundred other schools she noted as Detective Marks made her way to the office. Lockers, offices, classrooms and endless halls leading nowhere but in on themselves greeted her evenly spaced footsteps. She concentrated on the task at hand rather than the chaos her mind wanted to toss at her.

"Detective Marks," She flashed her badge, "I need to talk to the coach that was in charge of the locker where Cali Robbins was pulled from yesterday evening."

The office secretary looked a little confused as to why the police would be involved, but she directed Marks to the gym. "Go down the hall to your right and it's the fourth door."

"Thanks." With that Charlie tried to shake off the feeling that those high school halls echoed. It wasn't the same one where she had done her time as a student, but it still gave her the creeps to be reminded of those days.

The gym was not hard to find. The high level of noise could be heard through the closed door, and there was an explosion of volume when Charlie opened it. Glancing around she quickly spotted a stocky man with his back to her blowing a whistle. He turned as she attempted to announce her presence to him over the commotion. "Coach? Detective –" Her voice stopped cold as he turned around. She recognized him instantly, although he didn't seem to remember her. Recovering from her momentary shock she went on as she showed her badge. "I have a few questions for you regarding the incident yesterday after practice."

He looked at her badge then started to walk towards his office motioning her to follow him out. Once in the relatively quiet surroundings of the closed office, he crossed his arms and in a curious tone asked "What is this all about?"

"Yesterday Cali Robbins became trapped in the equipment locker and sustained an injury to her right arm. The police attempted to reach you to gain access to the locker, but they were unsuccessful. Is it commonplace for there to be no set of keys kept here at the school for the locker?" Her whole body was tense, but her voice did not betray it as she pushed on with the questions.

"Yeah I heard about that this morning. Hope she's doing OK. After practice I usually put the keys back in the main office, but last night I took 'em with me because I had to come in early this morning to set up for an extra practice session. Gotta meet coming up this weekend that we have to be ready for." He explained.

"Do you know why Cali was in the locker last evening?" The reasoning was convenient, but not enough to really give her cause for official suspicion.

"No… I didn't see her at practice, and I left right after." The coach had walked around his desk, and picked up a clipboard. "If there's nothing else I need to get back out there."

"That's all I have, thank you." He nodded and headed back to the students who were starting to get rowdy without supervision. Once he had left the room she let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding. No one noticed the slight trembling as Charlie made her way back to her car.

With the door shut, and key in the ignition she started to shake more violently.

* * *

Charlie hoped she would not run into Toby at the hospital as she made her way to the girl's room. Luck was with her it seemed as there was no one present in the room, but Cali looking out towards the window obviously not liking being stuck in bed.

"Cali?" The detective called from the doorway to get the girl's attention.

"Yes?" Looking over at her new visitor, Cali sat up a little straighter.

"I'm Detective Marks, and I wanted to ask you a couple of follow up questions regarding yesterday. How are you doing?" Charlie's shaking had stopped, but the tension still held her taut.

"I'm fine. What questions?" Cali's tone was guarded. '_Why would the police be here? Didn't they believe her story?' _ Thoughts pulsed through her head.

"Can you tell me what you were doing at the equipment locker yesterday before you were trapped inside?" she questioned eying Cali's defensive posture curiously.

"I was getting some extra mats out for practice. Door must have swung shut behind me." She rolled her eyes to play it off as no big deal.

"Those are pretty big mats to be carrying by yourself. Was anyone else there to help you get them out who might have seen what happened?" With a discerning gaze, Charlie was listening to the words spoken, but watching the girl's body language as well.

"They're not that heavy, and I'm stronger than I look. There was no one else there when it happened." Cali looked down at her fingers and fiddled with the bandage on her arm.

"That's a pretty nasty cut. Do you remember how it happened?" Charlie motioned towards the girl's arm.

"I scraped it against something when I was trying to pull the door open is all. It's not that deep." She still wouldn't look up to meet Detective Marks eyes. Charlie knew from the police report that there was blood on the wristband that was found outside the locker, and there was no way Cali's story could be the whole truth. However, without more to go on there was nothing further to be done.

"I'll let you get some rest. " Charlie excused herself, and started to leave down the hallway when her luck ran out. Toby and Oz rushed in with an elderly gentleman on the stretcher.

Oz saw Toby nod to Charlie, "I got this. Go on." With a nod of thanks and acknowledgment Toby started down the hall. Charlie carefully steadied her mind to a blank to keep control of any stray thoughts. Now was not the time to be broadcasting considering her encounter at the school.

"Hey did you get a chance to talk to the coach?" He was still winded a little from the fast pace of the last ambulance run.

"Yes and I talked to Cali. There's nothing to follow up on. He says he wasn't at the school that late, and she claims there was no one else there when it happened." Breathing steady and deep to focus her mind, the words came out a little more flat than intended.

Toby's face wrinkled in puzzlement. "You OK?"

"I'm fine, but I don't have time to track imaginary cases. I need to get back to the station before the sergeant wonders why there has been no progress on the cases I was actually assigned." She didn't wait for an answer before quickly striding out the door.

* * *

A few hours later Oz and Toby were getting ready to wrap things up for the end of shift, when Toby noticed a man approaching Cali's hospital room. The man had on a coach's uniform from the same school Cali attended. Watching from a few feet away, Toby saw the man pause at her door and stand there rather than go in. _**++ She told them it was just an accident. I knew she was a smart girl. ++ **_Looking around the man noticed Toby staring at him, and he started off down the hall in the opposite direction. Toby followed a few steps then glanced to the side to look in the open door on Cali only to see that she was fitfully sleeping.

He didn't have to reach out to listen to her in order to be slammed by echoes of her nightmare. _**++ The man had her pinned up against the inside of the locker. She was whimpering in distress as the coach ran his hand down her side. "Shhh calm down now." ++**_Then the images shifted from what must have been a different time as Cali now appeared with the outfit worn the evening before. _**++The same man was following her into the locker, but this time she turned abruptly and shoved him back in a panic with her right arm scraping against the keys in his hand. The unexpected shove was enough to throw him off balance and allow her to close the door between them.++**_

Toby felt sick to his stomach, and quickly scanned the hallway but it was too late. The man had gone.

* * *

Detective Marks sat at her desk not really seeing the file in front of her. She was still a bit rattled by seeing her former gymnastics coach, and Charlie knew Toby would not let this drop so easily. As if on cue, Toby glided into the police station and was heading for her desk. Expecting his arrival, she brought up an image of a locked door in her mind and held it there with conscious concentration.

"It was the coach… he attacked Cali before in that locker and yesterday she must have been afraid he would try something again which is why she trapped herself inside. I saw her cut her arm on some keys the coach had in his hand." He briskly relayed the new information as he stood beside her desk

Her story won't back it up. I can try talking to the girl who found Cali… ", shuffling through papers Charlie soon found the name she was searching for, "a Cassie Matthews stated she heard Cali crying inside the locker and saw the wristband on the ground." Charlie kept her eyes downcast and grabbed her keys off the desk as she started moving past Toby towards the door.

Something wasn't right with her, but exactly what was going on Toby didn't know. He reached out a hand and touched her arm. "Hey what's up? You don't seem yourself." The image of a locked door was pushed at him and he took a step back surprised at the unexpected rebuff.

"It's nothing. You want me to check this out or not?" Agitation filled her voice.

He swallowed and let her leave without further comment. Now he knew something was wrong. No one had ever blocked him that way. Of course to have a need to block his ability to listen you would have to know it's there to begin with which prevented most people the opportunity to put up barriers.

* * *

Detective Marks went back to the school office, where the secretary sent someone to retrieve Cassie Matthews from class.

"Is there a room we can talk in private for a few minutes?" Charlie asked, and was directed to a side conference room. The room wasn't very large, but it was comfortably lit and would allow for a better opportunity to talk freely than in the busy main office waiting area.

A few minutes later Cassie was escorted to the conference room and left with Charlie. "Please sit down Cassie. My name is Detective Marks and I'm here concerning what happened yesterday with Cali. Whatever you tell me will be kept in confidence, and I need the truth. Do you understand?" Cassie looked anxiously at the door, but nodded her agreement. "You are the one who discovered Cali was trapped in the equipment locker, correct?"

"Yes… her mom had called the school, and asked if anyone knew where Cali was since she wasn't home yet. I was coming back to the locker room when I heard them on the phone, and was asked if I had seen her. There were a few people sent to check around the school to see if we could find her. I went out back and was calling her name but she didn't answer. Then I heard something from the locker and went closer. Then she called back that the door was stuck. I ran back to the office to let them know. They called for help, and I went out to the locker to wait for someone to show up."

"Did you see anyone around the locker when you were searching for Cali?" Marks questioned.

Cassie looked a little nervous, but answered "There was no one by the locker when I found her." The exactness of her answer sounded like there was something more, which caused Charlie to follow up with a broader time frame.

"Did you know of or see anyone by the locker after school?" She focused on the girl's expression, but noticed the wringing hands.

"Well the track team was out there … and I had heard the coach ask that Cali be told to help him get the mats out to the gym." This line of inquiry was making the girl nervous.

"Did you actually see the coach and Cali at the locker after school?"

"No… I only saw the coach walking towards that area. Can I go now?" Cassie stood, but was waiting to be dismissed before actually leaving. Cassie had heard the rumors about the Coach, and she wanted to leave before the possibility of them being brought forth entered into the conversation with the detective.

"One more thing - did you see anything around the locker that might have suggested what happened?" Charlie tried to be vague so as not to taint any answer the girl might have.

"Not really… I mean her wristband was lying on the ground by the door, but it must have dropped when she went inside, and that wouldn't have had anything to do with the lock."

"Do you know what happened to the wristband?"

The girl shrugged, "Probably put in the lost and found."

"Can you describe it?"

"It was yellow and white striped." The girl was edging toward the door.

"Thank you Cassie, you can return to class now." Marks smiled reassuringly at the girl and followed her out to the main office. She walked over to the desk and asked to see the lost and found. A box of miscellaneous items was pulled from a drawer in the corner. Near to the top was a wristband that matched Cassie's description. There was a slight red stain on the lower inside band of white.

* * *

"The wristband and Cassie's statement should be enough for the warrant. Will keep you posted from there." Charlie decided calling Toby on her way home was the safest bet on keeping him informed while keeping him at a distance. "I'm beat and going to call it an early night."

There was a slight pause, "Anything I can do?" he was still worried over her recent odd behavior.

"Go home so we both can get some rest. Good night." Charlie ended the call and rubbed at her temples. All she wanted to do was fall into bed. Last night had seen little sleep and even less rest. She had a feeling tomorrow would be trying since she needed to get a warrant on a case that officially never existed till Toby's hunches were figured in and that always led to complications with her boss.

2 am… she tossed and turned seeking sleep without success. Her head would not quiet down, and when she had had gotten to sleep the nightmare was lurking again.

* * *

Charlie was surprised at the lack of resistance in getting the search warrant for the coach's residence based on Cassie's statement and the blood tainted wrist band. The search had yielded a gym bag with a trace of blood, and now they were awaiting the results to see if it matched the blood from the wrist band which had been confirmed earlier by the lab as belonging to Cali Robbins.

"We can't make the arrest till we are sure the blood is a match." Detective Marks argued into the phone. "Even if he did originally attack her, he wouldn't be stupid enough to go after her again now that she is out of the hospital. Not with the investigation in progress." She stifled a yawn.

"You sound tired. What happened to going to bed early last night?" Toby had been heading into work when his phone rang. Charlie seemed to be keeping him very updated to ensure he would not come by in person to get news on the case.

"I did go to bed. Just didn't sleep. I gotta go." She had a few tips on other cases that needed to be checked out before they grew cold.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

"Unit respond to possible suicide attempt…" The EMS call came through, and in moments the siren echoed down the street as the ambulance raced to the residence. Cali was lying on the bathroom floor unconscious with blood smearing the sink and pooling by her left wrist as a stark red contrast to the white tiles. Toby's eyes widened to see the young girl again, but his professional manner never slipped.

"Oz let's get her out of here." The intensity in Toby's expression screamed there was no time to lose.

Her mother was near hysterics as she wrung her hands just outside the door in the hallway. "She wouldn't answer me. Then I tried the door and it was locked… I had to go get the master key and – " Ms. Robbins's tears gushed down her cheeks as the words rolled out of her mouth in rapid shocked babbling.

They quickly stopped the bleeding, and loaded Cali up into the ambulance to rush her to the hospital. Her condition was stabilizing, but she had lost a good deal of blood before they arrived. Images flashed in his head, **++ She was holding a home pregnancy test and burst into tears. An attempt at writing a note that was crumpled and tossed in the trash. ++.** Upon their arrival Cali was rushed into the ER with Olivia shouting out medical orders as Toby came up beside her.

"I think she might be pregnant." He rushed to inform Olivia. She looked at him oddly. "There was a pregnancy test in the bathroom where we pulled her from." He added quickly to justify where his sudden revelation had come from. She nodded curtly as she took off away from him.

Having done all he could for now, Toby slumped into a waiting room chair. He needed to call Charlie.

* * *

Detective Marks was meeting with an informant regarding a new lead on a recent murder case.

"I heard him order the hit myself. Tony didn't want to split the take, and that's why he had him killed." The skinny man with medium length brown hair shifted from one foot to the other uneasily.

"And you have the location of where he was killed before he was moved to the park?" She questioned.

"Yeah like I said I got proof they were in on the heist together and a map of how they got into the building undetected. Wait here and I will go grab it out of the car." He motioned towards the black two door about twenty feet away.

"Make it fast." Her phone rang as the weasel like informant darted towards his car. "She glanced at the caller ID. Not now Toby she thought. She had a job to do outside of Toby's hunches. Her mind was still reeling with dealing with her past coming back to haunt her. She couldn't believe the coach on the Robbins case was the same man that had violated her as a teenager. The lack of sleep was not helping either as her eyes burned, and her head felt foggy. Then it happened. There was the faintest metallic rumbling noise then as she turned towards the sound the world exploded.

* * *

She wasn't picking up, "Charlie this is Toby. Give me a call when you get this. I need to talk to you about the Robbins case."

The rest of the day was a constant running from one call to another with barely time to catch a sandwich for lunch. By the end of the shift both Oz and Toby were dragging their feet as they hung up their uniforms.

"You want to grab a beer or something?" Oz offered.

"No man… not tonight. Want to check up on some things and then seriously need to crash for some sleep." Charlie had not called him back which was unusual, and he was worried about Cali. When he heard Charlie's voice mail message starting, he slammed the phone shut. The day was not getting any better, and Olivia looked like she had been having a rough day as well.

"Hey… " Toby reached out his hand to rest it on Olivia's back in greeting.

"Toby…you look terrible." She noticed the dark circles under his eyes and the tousled hair.

"Thank you. Been a breeze of a day for you too by the looks of it." He said with mild sarcasm. "How's Cali doing?"

"She's stable, but won't be leaving so quickly this time. She lost a lot of blood, and the cuts were pretty deep."

"Has Detective Marks been by yet regarding Cali's case?"

"You haven't heard?" Olivia's eyes widened, an image of **++ Charlie being rushed out of an ambulance into the ER. ++ **flashed before Toby.

"What happened?" His heart rate skyrocketed.

"She was brought in earlier today. Some sort of bomb or explosion went off in a warehouse. There were some severe abrasions and minor burns, but she was lucky. She's sedated right now. You need to get some rest too, and I need to start rounds."

The next morning, Toby hesitantly stepped into Detective Mark's hospital room, glancing over to see if Charlie had regained consciousness. She looked pale and fragile lying there so still with the beeping monitor filling up the silence. Reaching out slowly, he brushed aside a lock of her hair that had fallen out of its braid. A bruise colored the left side of her face, and her eyes were lucky to have escaped damage. His frame slumped down into the chair beside the bed as he let out a long sigh of frustration and exhaustion. He couldn't stop his eyelids from falling closed, and then it hit him. **++ Terror. Fear. Confusion. ++** She was having a nightmare, but the images that assaulted his senses were from years past.

_**++ They had stopped off at the Coach's house to pick up extra equipment for practice that afternoon. It was hot, and the cool drink he offered her was gladly accepted. He intently watched her drink it then took the glass from her hand as they made it to the top of the stairs. She was to help him carry the bags down, but suddenly the world started to spin and then went dark. Smell was the first sense to return to her waking mind, and she wrinkled her nose at the scent of stale sweat and something else. There was pressure on her body. Something was holding her down. It didn't make sense till she groggily opened her eyes and inches from her face was his. Then the sounds started to penetrate the fog in her head, and the real terror began to creep up in a scream that was caught in her throat. She scrunched her eyes closed trying to block out what was happening. He finished and the pressure released her, but she stayed absolutely still afraid that movement would make it real again. When she could hear he was in another room, Charlie sprang up from the bed and didn't stop running till the spiking pain in her lungs forced her to fall to her knees. Tears streamed down her face as she shuffled behind a small shed for cover. She felt so dirty. No one could ever know. She would just pull herself together and get on with her life. The decision was set even as her hands fought to wipe tears away from her streaked face. ++  
**_

The last image to pass through her mind's eye before waking up to a crisp white hospital was the coach's face. Not as it was when she was 15, but as it was when she saw him earlier in the week. Charlie's eyes flew open in a panic, widely darting around the room grounding herself to the present. Then she saw Toby. ++_** Oh God.. No! ++ **_shouted through her head before she could stop it. Turning her head deliberately to stare at the opposite wall away from him, she attempted to conjure up the mental door she had put in place before to keep him at bay. It worked then, but that was when she was much calmer and could focus.

He debated whether to stay or allow her obvious dismissal of him. It had taken a few moments to understand what the images from the unintentional hit were showing him. But when he realized where her dreams had taken her the need to give her privacy caused him to stand up to leave. He had only gotten turned towards the door before the pain and terror emanating from her caused his legs to buckle. It was too much as he grabbed for the chair to support himself. When her eyes opened the shock, not only of the freshly awakened memories but of his being there as a witness to it all, was heartbreaking.

"Charlie?" It wasn't much more than a soft whisper, but he was certain she had heard him. He reached out to touch her shoulder to try to get her to look at him.

"Don't." she spat still refusing to turn her head towards him.

"Charlie, please look at me.", he stayed back and waited a moment before continuing with a deep sigh. "Sorry, but I'm not leaving till we talk about this."

"Talk about what? How you get to spy on my life - *MY* life even when I'm asleep." Her head snapped around with a glare that would have melted Iceland. "What gives you the right?"

Toby took a deep breath to steady his voice. "I know you are hurting, and - "

"*You* know?" She interrupted with a huff. "What exactly do *you* know?"

"I started to leave… it all happened too fast. I didn't mean to –" Toby attempted to apologize, but didn't know what to say. She had been afraid once before that he had seen the secret she kept from everyone about her past, but he had not. Now that was no longer the truth and they both knew it.

"When do I get a private window to the secrets in your past? Fair is fair, right?" another shot at him out of pain and embarrassment for what had just been witnessed, but she couldn't stop herself as emotions exploded inside her.

"Charlie..." This time his tone was a warning. He didn't even know what his early days held outside of the dread and haunting fear of an ever present danger, but she was grabbing on to this change of subject for dear life.

"Come on, what is lurking back there that you never wanted anyone else to know?" The question was more rhetorical than anything as it was simply a reflex reaction to run from her own memories and get the focus on someone else. She could see his eyes shift from worried concern over her to a frighteningly distant expression. ++_** You're afraid to tell me. ++ **_Amazement mixed with confusion_**. **_He continued to hesitate not knowing exactly what to say. "You once gave me your word that you would never lie to me, and that you would never hold anything back from me." The reminder was spoken more softly now that her anger had died down and curiosity was quickly replacing it.

"Toby, gotta call. Let's go." Oz tapped the door as he ducked in and out of Detective Marks room.

Charlie watched as Toby grabbed his jacket and headed to the door. At the doorway he stopped and stared back at her. "We'll talk when I get off shift."

"Sure." ++_** And Monkeys have wings. ++**_ she mentally added.

His gaze never wavered. "We will talk" he reiterated, and then his eyes softened. "I gave you my word."

Left alone in the pristine room Charlie turned her thoughts away from the nightmare, and toward a new mystery forming. _What could be a bigger secret than having the ability to read minds?_ Hoping he was out of range to hear her she also asked herself if she really wanted to know. Guilt started to creep in as the silence took over the room again. That wasn't fair of her to snap at Toby as she knew his ability wasn't his choosing, but sometimes it hurt to not be able to shield her private life from him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

It had been a long day, and the EMS runs were the least of it. Oz and Toby were riding back to wrap up the paperwork and head out.

"How's Detective Marks doing? " Oz tossed off in casual conversation. His partner had been more quiet and withdrawn since that afternoon.

"Hmm? Oh she's doing better." The battle between keeping his word and putting a friend in danger had been squeezing out all the other voices since he left Charlie's room that day. "Oz… do you think it's right to not tell someone everything you know in order to protect them?"

**++ Where's this coming from? ++** "Protect them from what?" Puzzlement etched across Oz's face. "What are we talking about here? "

"Marks asked me today about my past." He admitted hesitantly.

"Yeah, and?" Oz could be a little thick at times when it came to being subtle.

"And if I tell her everything I know it could lead her into danger. I don't know much about what happened in my life before I was brought to the orphanage, but I do know it was not full of puppies and balloons. There is real danger there even if I can't remember from whom or why." Toby was able to confide in Oz knowing that his friend would be straight with him yet keep his counsel between them.

"She's a pretty tough cookie. I think she can handle whatever becomes of her knowing." Oz glanced over to see that distant look had not left his friend's face. "Hey you can't always protect everyone. It'll be OK you'll see." It's what Toby couldn't see or remember that worried him most, but he tried to shake it off and smile reassuringly as the ambulance pulled to a stop.

* * *

Before going to see Detective Marks, Toby darted home to grab the picture he had of his mother and himself. Standing alone in his apartment the doubts and warnings he had lived with for longer than he could remember crowded in as memory replayed itself.

_He's coming! Hide… Your name is Toby Logan … That's the only name you've ever had … What are you afraid of Toby? My mother had the gift too… it drove her out of her mind_

What if all I'm doing is putting those closest to me in danger by letting them know more about me? Where does it stop, and how can I tell her what she will want to know when I don't even have the answers to my own questions? Most of his life was shut apart from others because of who he was. Not just what he could do but who he had grown into as a result. He always stood a little apart from life like an observer. Stepping into the game after a lifetime of watching was both terrifying and exhilarating.

He took one last deep breath to clear his head and left to go back to the hospital.

Walking down the crisp halls he spotted Olivia and nodded to her in greeting. "Hey there Liv how's it going?"

"Just got roped into a double. Ask me when it's over." She tossed out as she sorted through a stack of charts then turned towards him. "You off for the night?"

"Yeah, stopped by to see how Detective Marks is doing." He forced his voice to sound casual, and hoped the tension didn't show.

"She should be ready to be discharged tomorrow. She's lucky not to have been more seriously injured. I've got to get going, but catch you later." With that Olivia was down the hall scribbling notes in the charts as she moved.

Toby fortified his shields as he walked down to Charlie's room. She had her eyes closed when he arrived at the door, but as he turned to leave he heard her speak.

"I'm not asleep." He turned back to find her eyes trained on him intently.

"Looks like you are making a break out of here tomorrow Detective." He attempted a nonchalant smile, but failed miserably. Small talk was not his specialty and it showed but it filled the few moments till he lightly closed her room door and sat down.

There were several moments of silence then Charlie spoke again, "Look about before… You don't owe me anything."

"You're wrong. I gave you my word and I'm going to keep to it. Problem is I don't know where to start. It's not like many people know about my past." Or my present given my talents he thought to himself as he ran his hands over his eyes and back through his hair.

"My memories before the foster home system are a bit foggy at best. I lost my mom when I was five." It was harder than he thought it would be to lay it all out after having kept the secrets hidden inside for a lifetime. "Someone brought me to Ray who helped me get the voices under control, and learn to block them out." He took out the picture from his apartment. "This is my mom and me about six months before she was gone."

"How did she die?" She traced the lines in the picture of two smiling faces.

"She drowned." It was the simple truth if not the complete version.

"Do you have any other family?" she questioned as she handed the photo back.

"I remember my mom had a baby boy…, but my brother was taken not long after he was born."

"Taken?"

He stood up and paced a few steps, "The memories are fragmented. There was a trailer… my mother told me to hide and this man went inside, but I don't know who he was or why he took my baby brother. There was an explosion." His voice faltered for a moment then he looked into her eyes and his voice lowered, "My mother told me my name was Toby Logan, and she had me repeat it and told me that was the only name I was to remember ever having."

"Which suggests that it was not the name you had … at least not before 1986. " She nodded thoughtfully.

"Excuse me?" Toby caught the added info and realized she had been checking into his past before this conversation, "You had me checked out before?"

"Well checked out is a little extreme… when you kept coming up with all these mysteriously known facts I got curious as to just who you were. A simple background check was done to try to get a better picture." She was a bit flustered at having this bit of news come out, but felt completely justified in having done the research. "Did you ever try to find out if your brother is still alive? Or what this man was after? "

"I've thought about him, but I only saw him as a baby." The hardest part stuck in his throat as it would reveal fears that only Ray had known before. "As far as I know my mother had the same gift as I do…. It drove her out of her mind. There is no guarantee that the same thing won't happen to me." He tried to lighten the mood a bit, "Or maybe it already has, huh? Why else would I be crazy enough to tell you all this?" His smile didn't work to hide the underlying fear.

"You know you can trust me," Charlie said solemnly, then she smirked, "and I would tell you if you were crazy."

"Trust works both ways you know. Why didn't you tell me about the coach on the Robbins case? You deliberately blocked me out. And, by the way, where did you learn that little trick?" There was hurt mixed with curious suspicion in his voice as the conversation turned back to the current situation.

"You've explained before that you can only read what is present in someone's mind at that moment. From there I learned to concentrate my thoughts on what I wanted you to see rather than allow myself to be an open book. If you want to know what I think you should ask me not listen to my thoughts." Her chin jutted out defensively.

"I did ask, remember? You didn't tell me the whole truth, and I was worried as something was obviously wrong." He backed down a pace, "Maybe I shouldn't have tried to push it by reaching out to listen, but you shouldn't have hidden the truth either. Can we call a truce?" Both were unfamiliar with letting someone in to care about them, but it was a start.

"Fine. You don't get inside my head, and I won't keep things from you."

"I didn't choose to be like this Charlie, and I am sorry if you feel I've stepped over some boundaries. This is who I am. I used to be able to block it all out, but lately…"

"Wait… when did things change?"

"You remember the case we met on? The cop who died, and the car accident victim whose son was kidnapped?" She nodded. "That was the first time since I learned to put up the barriers that someone got through. Since then strong emotion is enough to break through even when I'm trying not to hear. Can you deal with that in me?"

"Yeah I can deal." The start of a genuine smile spread across her face.

He smiled back, "Good 'cause I'd hate to think one of us had to get a new line of work." The teasing in his voice showed the tension had been dispelled between them. The merriment was short lived however as there was still a serious matter to address.

Leaning closer to her bedside his tone became a firm whisper, "Charlie, I know you are not going to like what I have to say, but you need to talk to someone. You glossed over a major trauma in your life and for a decade it stayed buried but recent events have forced you to face those memories and they are putting your life in jeopardy with your lack of sleep and distraction."

She bristled. "I'm fine." He stared at her without saying a word, and the conversation from a few minutes earlier ran back through her mind. If they were to really trust each other she would have to let him in her life in a way she never allowed anyone to be. That terrified her more than the recent explosion that could have cost her life.

"Why didn't you report the rape seventeen years ago when it happened?" He could guess why, but she needed to admit it to herself first.

She looked away, "I was too ashamed. No one forced me to take that drink or go over to his place. I didn't think it would make any difference for anyone else to know. It happened. It was over, but…" her voice trailed off.

"But it might have made a difference for someone else?" He could see the distress through the unspoken words.

"If I had reported it then, and he had been convicted…" a tear silently rolled down her face.

"You think if you had spoken up that Cali and maybe others would not have been hurt." He didn't need to read her mind to put the pieces together. She blamed herself for not stopping him both back then and for any crimes he had committed since then.

"It wasn't your fault. Not then and not now. Charlie, you deal with victims in your work… you know even if you don't feel it's true that the victim is not to blame." She stared silently at him and he held her eye contact, "It's not your fault."

She looked so much more tired now than when he first walked into the room. "I'll go and let you get some sleep, but Charlie I'm not going to let you destroy yourself by refusing to get help." He finally broke her gaze as he got up to leave.

"What about your past. Doesn't it haunt you?" It was a last ditch effort to pull away she knew, but desperation to keep ignoring her past rather than face it brought the words to her lips.

"Every day." He admitted with a half smile and sad eyes. "See you tomorrow."

Finally alone, Charlie let the mask of anger slip and the tears came.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Toby loped through the hospital with a mixture of relief and apprehension. The more people he opened up to the less he felt like a freak that had to hide from the light of exposure. But the danger to those he cared about also increased. He wanted to check in on Cali before heading back home. There was only about a half hour left on visiting hours for the day, and when he approached the girl's room he heard two voices.

"Cali, you have to tell or I will." A girl roughly the same age as Cali stood by the hospital bed.

"No Sarah – " Cali's voice was heated with desperation to maintain control of the situation. The conversation broke off when the girls noticed Toby stepping up to the door.

"Hey there… was just coming by to see how you were doing." Toby's mental shields were fully in place as he was not feeling up to dealing with more than the five senses could tell him right now.

The unfamiliar girl looked back over to Cali, "I have to go anyway, but I meant what I said." Cali slowly gave a grave negative shake of her head. Toby watched the exchange then was alone in the room with Cali.

"I don't want to talk about it." Cali folded her arms as best she could with the bandages interfering a little.

He held his hands up in a gesture of backing off, "You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to, that's true. But if something is so wrong you feel the need to try to check out…" the sentence hung in the air.

"Get out." She didn't have time to deal with this guy. There was too much spiraling into chaos.

Surrendering the attempt to talk with her, Toby turned and started on his way out of the hospital. As he passed the waiting area by the outside doors his eyes caught sight of the girl who had been visiting Cali. He walked over and introduced himself.

"Hi… my name's Toby Logan. I'm the paramedic who brought your friend Cali in." She eyed him suspiciously since he was out of uniform and could be anyone. He pressed on despite her skepticism. "I overheard part of your conversation."

"And your point?" She was not about to trust some guy out of the blue when her best friend's life was at stake.

Whew… talk about a rough day. "Cali needs a good friend right now. Sometimes that means risking making someone angry in order to help them. If you have information about what happened, you can't wait to convince her as that may not happen in time to get her the help she needs."

There was something about him that made her want to trust him, but how could she be sure. She saw her big sister come in the door to pick her up. "There's my ride." She stood up to leave, but hesitated a moment and turned back towards Toby. "What if she hates me for telling?"

"What if she succeeds next time?" It wasn't easy even as an adult to have to risk the wrath of a friend, but the stakes were too high. Cali had already come close to death once, and unless the issues were brought out and dealt with, there was a good chance she would try again.

* * *

Toby tossed the bottle opener down on the table and took a drink thankful for the quiet room and that his mental barriers were holding. Ever since the intrusive hits of strong emotions from those around him started to break through, more and more of his past was rushing up from the depths of banished memory. It was worse when he slept as his conscious mind helped keep all the shields in place even from his past. But in sleep the walls thinned. He wasn't quite sure how all the pieces fit together, and although he was afraid of what the completed puzzle would reveal there was this driving need to know. Yet he had to sleep sometime. Resigning himself to whatever might come, he headed off to bed.

* * *

It was good to be back at her desk, Charlie thought as she was catching up on the paperwork that had found its way there while she was in the hospital.

"Marks… ", Sergeant Becker called from his office. She glanced up to see him motion for her to come over. There was a young girl sitting in his office with wide eyes.

"Detective Marks, this is Sarah Caplan and she wants to make a confidential report on the Robbins case." Becker briskly made the introductions. The girl looked around nervously.

"Hi Sarah, why don't we talk in the conference room." Charlie led the way across the hall, and motioned for the girl to have a seat while she closed the blinds and the door.

"You have some information you wanted to share?" She left the opening up to Sarah.

"No one will know it was me who told you, right?" Sarah asked needing to confirm she could go through with this and still stay unknown.

"That's correct. Anything you say to me here will be kept apart from your identifying ID to allow us to use the information without disclosing the source. I must tell you up front that if what you tell me leads to an arrest you may be asked to verify details with a court should the case go to trial, but I believe that can be done discreetly." Hoping that was enough to allow Sarah to disclose any relevant information Marks leaned back in her chair.

"It's about Cali… Cali Robbins. She's been my best friend all my life and a couple of months ago something happened that she swore me not to tell anyone else about. I thought she would be OK … that we would get her through it and all, but then… " Sarah took a steadying breath, "then I guess she couldn't deal with it after all and she … she...". Her voice was choking up at the memory of her friend in the hospital with the bandaged arms.

"Sarah I need you to go back and tell me about what happened a couple of months ago that ties in with the case." Charlie's voice was gentle but firm to help Sarah focus on details.

Sarah nodded and gulped in some air, "It was back around the time of the first home meet. Cali was putting in some extra practice time to get a competitive edge. One night she stayed late to work with Coach Duwitt. There was normally no one there that late and I had gone back to the school to get my backpack I left on the bleachers. Cali was huddled in the gym corner crying. When I went to see what was wrong she told me he had … had raped her." The words were hard to say, but Sarah managed to get them out. "She swore me to secrecy, and I wanted to help her so I kept her secret."

Marks felt her eyes stinging, but she was too much of a professional to allow the emotion to interfere with her work. She pushed back her own feelings and concentrated on the statement. "Cali told you directly that coach Duwitt raped her, is this correct?"

Sarah nodded. "After that she was careful to never be alone with him again and kept up appearances, but I knew she was struggling. I should have said something before, but I made a promise. When I went to see Cali in the hospital yesterday she told me that Duwitt had tried to corner her again at the locker… that was the night she got trapped inside. She managed to get away from him, and I thought that showed that things would be OK after all."

"Did something more happen after that night?" Sarah looked like she still had more to say, but was having a hard time finding the words.

Sarah swallowed hard and looked briefly into Charlie's eyes before affixing her gaze back to the table top. "Cali tried to kill herself because she found out she was pregnant."

"Could the pregnancy have been from activity outside of the rape?" It was a sensitive question, but one that needed to be addressed.

"No … Cali didn't fool around. There was no one else." Her heart was pounding, and Sarah's mouth felt dry.

"Thank you Sarah for coming forth with this information. You're a good friend, and Cali will need that to get through the next steps in getting her life back. It's not going to be easy, but it can be done." Charlie assured her.

"I had to tell someone… I don't want to lose my best friend. Hey do you know a Toby Logan? - Claims he is a paramedic at the hospital."

Toby? Why wasn't she surprised he had something to do with this. "Yeah I know him. He's a good guy."

"Can you tell him thanks for saving Cali's life."

"Will do. Let me see you out." Sarah's testimony along with the DNA match that had came back that morning was now enough for an arrest.

Marks turned to see Becker heading towards her and he did not look pleased. "Just got off the phone with Dr. Marshel. Seems you have not reported for the standard fitness for duty evaluation."

She cocked her head and crossed her arms defiantly, "I've been busy."

"You're not busy now. Till you get to that appointment you are off the streets." His voice matched her stubborn refusal with a steely finality.

* * *

Dr. Marshel's office was softly lit with two comfortable yet not over cushioned chairs across from a wooden desk. The police psychologist was sitting at his desk making notes in his appointment book when Detective Marks knocked.

"Come in…" he looked up to see his 2pm appointment stride into the office and come to stand before the desk. Detective Charlene Marks - recently involved in an explosion while meeting an informant. Lack of attention to surroundings cited as concern on supervisor's report. Minor injuries treated at St. Lukes Hospital. Long history of insubordination reprimands.

"Hey doc, can we make this quick?" Her no nonsense tone and crossed arms didn't reveal any of her apprehension over being there.

"Have a seat please, and I will make this as painless as possible Detective." This was going to be a challenge he noted to himself. "We just need to go over what happened at the warehouse and ensure you are ready to return to your duties."

"A perp got in a lucky break is all that happened. There was no time to evade the explosive once it had been initiated. Training took over and I positioned myself for minimum impact." Eyes cold and steady challenged him to make it anything more than that.

"There was no awareness of anyone else in the area prior to the explosive being released?" he questioned.

"Negative. They must have already been in position prior to my arrival as there was no way they could have approached from outside the warehouse and gained entrance without detection."

He raised his eyebrows slightly, "You were meeting an informant and you did not survey the area first to ensure it was not a trap?"

Marks saw the catch 22 – if they had been waiting for her she should have been able to find them before they attacked, and if they had entered after her then she should have been alert to their moving into position. Cursing under her breath she admitted there was a distraction, "I checked the warehouse prior to the meeting, but immediately prior to the explosion my phone had buzzed, and I took my eyes off the perimeter to check it."

They stared at each other both knowing that could have been a fatal mistake, and showed marginal judgment errors. He checked his notes, and brought up another issue of concern. "I see here that you were reprimanded by your sergeant for performing follow up interviews on a nonexistent case… or at least it was nonexistent prior to your investigation. Can you tell me a little about this?"

Mental note: strangle Toby when I get out of here she fumed. "There was a tip that criminal activity may have been involved and I was following up."

"Without notifying your superior first?"

"Sergeant Becker was out of the office and I felt there was an urgency to investigate." Drop it already she willed.

"Do you not think there is unnecessary risk involved with not following proper procedure, Detective?" He was pushing her to gauge her reaction as her agitation since entering the office had sharply risen, and he needed to know how far away from a breaking point she was at.

Her eyes burned with fury, and the discussion only went downhill from that point.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

At lunch time Toby stopped by the police station to see Charlie, "Desk duty isn't the end of the world." He tried to lift her spirits but the scowl that he got in response was proof that it would take more than his sparkling smile to make up for the fact that Marks had temporarily been confined to working at the station till her fitness for duty evaluation allowed her back out in the field.

"By the way a friend of Cali Robbins stopped in earlier, and she asked me to tell you thank you for helping Cali. How is it that you tend to get entangled in every aspect of a case before the rest of us even know it's there."

"It's a gift." He grinned. "How is the case going?"

"Coach Duwitt is being arrested as we speak and will be held for questioning." Charlie hesitated a moment then decided against bringing up the subject of Toby's past again.

"I know that look… What is it?" Toby raised his eyebrows. "Hey you want me out of your head you need to speak up."

"I was simply thinking that maybe it was time to see if we could track down more information about your past. Find out if your brother is still out there. Have to do something productive while I'm chained to this desk, right?" She tried to make light of it, but Charlie knew it scared Toby to think of what might be found.

"Charlie… It's dangerous. You don't get it." He warned. The pull to find out was not quite as strong as the fear.

"You can't keep running from your past, you have to face it. Isn't that what you were telling me yesterday at the hospital?" She pressed.

"That's different." He tilted his head to the side.

"Why? Because we are talking about facing your demons now instead of mine?" He flinched a little at having to admit there was probably some truth to that, but Toby knew more that he simply couldn't put into words yet.

"That's not what I meant." He wiped his hand over his tired eyes. "Ray told me once before when I started talking about my brother that the man who brought me to him was afraid both for himself and for me. I've always lived under the radar and kept my ability a secret." His voice had fallen to a whisper to keep anyone else from hearing him. "Besides I don't have any way to even start to look into my past. I don't even know what my real name was back then."

"Do you know what your mother's name was or your brother's?" Surely there had to be something she could start to search on.

He shook his head, "I don't have my brother's name."

"And your mother?" Charlie noticed he had left the answer to that question out.

"I don't know what last names she might have used…" He closed his eyes a moment fighting the internal battle to keep this last piece of his past secret, "Her first name was Maya."

"What about the picture you have of her? I can use that to search for matches."

"You're not going to give up on this are you?" He stared at her.

"Are you asking me to?" The question was a challenge, but also a request for his permission.

He reached up and gently touched the bruised side of her face, "I am asking you not to get hurt or place yourself in danger over it. I don't even know if my past is something I want to remember."

"Maybe it's something you need to remember."

There wasn't much he could say in argument. He stared at her a long moment then took a deep breath as he slowly nodded. "OK I won't ask you to let it go, but I will ask that you be careful. Will drop the picture by later…. You'll be here, right? Right here at this desk… all day long." Toby teased then turned with an evil grin to head back to work.

"Very funny… rub it in." But her scowl told him she didn't think it was amusing in the least.

* * *

The rest of the shift flew past and finally there was nothing left to do but hand over the agreed to photo. Toby's gaze rested on the smiling figures frozen in time and wondered for the millionth time why they were different, and if his brother was still out there ... if he had the gift as well.

Charlie noticed he was hesitating. "You're really afraid of what we might find, aren't you?" She took the photo and scanned it into her computer then handed it back.

"Yeah I am." His eyes burned into hers. Toby was afraid to ask the questions and equally afraid to know the answers.

"Isn't not knowing worse?" Her inquisitive personality reasoned that knowing the truth regardless of what it contained was better than a mystery left unsolved.

He chuckled sadly at the absurdity of asking that question to someone who daily fought to keep the thoughts of others out of his own mind. "No Charlie take it from me, there are worse things than not knowing. Most of my life I wished I could go through a day without knowing what other people were thinking."

Charlie and Toby both looked up as they heard the loud complaining of Coach Duwitt being brought in for questioning flanked by two uniformed officers.

"This is ludicrous; I ain't done nothing to be dragged in here like this." He bellowed as he was led to an interrogation room.

++ **Like Hell you haven't**. ++ The murderously harsh thought lashed out from Marks before she knew it. Her heart rate spiked, and Charlie's expression become stone cold as she glared at the three figures disappearing down the hall. Feeling the impact of the wave of emotion along with the violent mental outburst, Toby reached out in reflex concern to place a hand on her shoulder. She flinched back and turned her hard eyes to Toby taking a moment to come back to the present having been lost momentarily in past anger. Her eyes quickly softened and she turned away hating that emotion had gotten the best of her even for a few minutes.

"Speaking of dealing with the past… " He started slowly.

"All right." She snapped more in frustration than anger, "I'll talk with someone about it, but it's got to be on my terms."

"It's getting late… think we both need to call it a night." Toby turned to walk out, but stopped and turned back to her. "If you need anything…"

"I won't hesitate… " She half smiled; understanding he meant well.

"Yes you will… but call anyway." He winked and grinned that boyish half smile.

One last thing and then she would leave for the night as well. Detective Marks uploaded the image of Toby and his mother to a database to run a search against any past or current police information matching the images with the name "Maya" as a secondary filter.

* * *

An older man sat at his computer terminal as an alert flashed upon the screen. Someone was trying to match a photo that shouldn't exist anymore. The alert detailed the originating search query, and his eyes sparkled at catching a scent after so many years.

"So you finally surfaced." He picked up the phone and dialed. "We have a lead on the other boy."

"Are you certain?" the flat tone echoed.

"Not yet, but we soon will be." With that the line went dead.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

The morning's class had gone well with the students bringing to life a variety of new perspectives. Ray rounded the corner and looked up from his notes to see Toby standing outside his office door with his hands shoved into his pockets.

"Toby.. " the older gentlemen smiled and nodded in greeting.

"Hey Ray… got a minute?" Or an hour perhaps considering what I need to talk to you about Toby thought.

Ray unlocked the door and motioned for Toby to come in. Head down and shuffling his feet a little, the young paramedic went in and took a seat facing the desk. Judging by Toby's body language there was something very serious going on and Ray decided to flip the lock on the office door to ensure they were not interrupted. Walking over to sit behind the desk, Ray observed how tense and rigid Toby held himself in the chair as if he was fortifying himself for the battle of a lifetime.

Ray's interest and concern rapidly spiked, "Tell me what is going on."

Toby silently raised his eyes, making direct eye contact which only further heightened the professor's alarm. He wasn't going to like whatever Toby had come to say.

"I need to know where I came from." Ray started to object, but Toby cut him off. "I know it's dangerous, and I know you think it would be better if I never looked back, but I can't stop the memories that are starting to surface and I need your help to try to make sense of them." Toby pleaded in spite of Ray's discouraging scowl.

"Toby… you know I am here for you and I care about you, but I can't encourage you to set out on a path that I believe has the potential to destroy you." Logic and warnings had worked for most of Toby's life and Ray now drew on these two things to thwart his current course.

There was too much bottled up inside for Toby to sit still another second. He paced to the bookshelf and then over to the window. Toby kept his voice level but the emotion poured over his words, "You have been a teacher, a mentor, a friend… and the closest thing to a father I've known growing up." Toby turned from the window with the start of tears blinked back, "But, Ray, I can't turn my back on who I used to be anymore."

Ray closed his eyes, and put his hands over his face for a moment struggling with honoring Toby's request and the need to keep him safe. Toby softly walked over and placed his hand on Ray's left arm across the desk. ++ **I don't want to lose you**. ++

"You might lose me if we don't figure this out." The anguish in Toby's voice cut through the professor's tortured indecision.

He lifted his hands away, and with a very tired voice and expression offered, "What can I do?"

Relieved that he had won the first battle in recovering his past, Toby fell back into the chair opposite Ray. "Can you remember anything from when I first came to you that might be tied to my past?"

Voices from the past and images flittered through Ray's mind as Toby listened… ++ **"You can't let them find him…" Toby as a five year old boy huddled in the nearby chair with his eyes pressed shut and rocking to try to calm the storm inside as he pressed his hands to his ears in vain. "Promise me you will keep him safe.**"++ The man speaking didn't look like anyone Toby recognized. ++ **"What happened to him?" a much younger Ray asked. "It's better you don't know and never try to find out." The stranger looked worriedly towards the door. "I have to go before they find me here.**" ++

Ray knew Toby was accessing his thoughts as he strained to reach back to the early days for something that would be helpful. "I'm sorry Toby. I can't remember something I don't know."

Toby was disappointed, but understood Ray was not intentionally working against him. "What about my own memory? Why can't I remember?"

"Whatever happened to you before coming here was very traumatic. You lost your mother, almost drowned, and were dealing with incomprehensible pain with the thoughts of so many around you pressing in on your mind. When our minds can't deal with what is happening it's a normal defense mechanism to block out and wall off that which would prevent us from surviving." Ray explained the psychology behind the mental repression.

"But the memories would still be there, right?" Toby was reaching for straws.

"Some believe that memory would still encode and be accessible once the barriers were no longer there… yes it might be possible, but those mental walls are there for a reason. Taking them down forcibly has a very real danger of its own." Ray couldn't sugar coat this, yet what would happen in Toby's case with all the currently unknown risks in general on top of his special gifts being added to the mix … was hard to say with any certainty. "Forcing those walls to come down could get you the answers you are looking for, but it might also cause your body to be pressed to an extreme it couldn't recover from. "

Toby took a moment to honestly consider Ray's words, "The fact that I'm starting to remember bits and pieces… couldn't that mean that the walls are crumbling because I'm ready to handle it?"

"It could. Or it could also mean that the built up stress of those memories is growing stronger than the protections your childhood psyche could construct. There is no way of telling if your adult mind would be strong enough to integrate those memories. Especially without having any idea what those memories contain." Ray paused to think of how to convey the dual possibilities, "On one hand those memories that overpowered your ability to integrate them as a child might be easily handled from an adult perspective… the monster in the closet becomes a coat hanger, but the other side of the coin is if those memories contain something that the child mind couldn't fully understand where the adult mind would be able to comprehend the significance and thereby be more threatened by it. For example, a child is told to push a button that results in unimaginable suffering or death to another might not make the link between the events that the adult mind might."

A new level of horror that Toby had not considered started to sink in. "Ray… you once told me that telepathy could be a weapon… " his voice trailed off not wanting to complete the question.

"Yes, it's possible. A talent such as yours can be bent to help …or destroy." Ray's eyes held a deep sadness as he watched Toby begin to comprehend the scope of what the past might show him.

* * *

The day spent riding the streets with Oz had been entirely too uneventful as the empty time left room for Toby's imagination to soar to dark places nursed by his greatest fears. The two paramedics leaned against the ambulance as they grabbed lunch while parked beside a sidewalk vendor's stand.

"Earth to Toby… hey man you look zoned." Oz frowned at his partner between bites of his hot dog.

"What? Oh sorry." Toby's distracted response was hardly enlightening to his partner.

"You OK? I mean I've seen you space out before, but not like this. You look like you packed up and moved to la la land. You know what I mean?" Finishing up and shooting the napkin into the wastebasket hoop style, Oz turned to watch his friend with genuine concern.

"I'm not really sure to tell the truth Oz." The public street was not the ideal spot to go into detail about what was bothering him so Toby tried to shake it off and started to hop back in on the passenger side.

Once back on the road Oz attempted to continue the conversation, "Does it have to do with your … you know…" Oz pointed a finger to his head and wiggled it around.

Toby smiled as he shook his head amused at his partner's way of referencing his telepathic ability. "Yeah it does in a way, but it's more what I don't know than what I'm reading."

"This has to do with this whole protecting people from your past doesn't it?" There was a measure of sympathy for his friend in Oz's voice.

"It goes beyond that. I need to find out if people should be protected from me." Toby's voice was filled with painful doubt that perhaps he himself was the danger brought out of the past.

"Now you're talking crazy. I know you Toby, and you wouldn't hurt anyone. Heck look at what you keep putting yourself through to help people."

"I wish I could be that sure." Brooding worry continued to lace his voice.

"Besides even if you turn out to be some freakish mutant bent on world domination, I would still be your friend." Oz flashed a wide grin.

That finally lifted the weight of the day and Toby gave a real smile, "Thanks man."

* * *

There was not much on the walls of the simple bedroom where the young adult lay stretched out on the dark colored bedspread. His eyes were pressed closed, but sleep was not his current pursuit. Images and thoughts skipped through his mind in a way most people would click through cable channels surfing for something interesting to tune into. He had spent his whole life here at the institute, and it wasn't a bad life he surmised; especially for a freak like himself. The dangers of the world in general had been pounded into his psyche both with spoken and unspoken words and images for as long as Ethan could remember. There was no sense of a different home or family to be missed.

There had been hazy recollections plucked from the scientist's minds about a brother he once had, but all trace of him disappeared around the time Ethan had been a new born babe. He picked up the occasional stray thought from the surrounding minds that the search for his brother had never completely ceased. They all thought they were shielded enough from his telepathy that they didn't even realize their own minds gave them away with soft background thoughts that the conscious mind may not even have picked up on with all the clutter of the day to day thinking that was so closely monitored when he was in range.

His brother… the lucky one that had five years with their mother before she shoved off her second and newest abnormality to the institute to raise. Ethan's anger started to rise when he thought of how they had told him she didn't want to deal with another freaky kid so she handed him over to the institute and tried to drown her first born and herself in a river. They had tried to save the older child as well, but there had never been confirmation of what happened to him… he just vanished. Probably long dead, thought Ethan brooding.

Ethan looked to the door as he heard it swing open. Dr. Burlington shuffled in and sat down on the bed.

"We have a new assignment for you…" There was a gleam in the man's eyes that Ethan found most curious.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Charlie was going stir crazy having been at her desk all day, and the fact that her search for a match on something to follow up on in Toby's past was not becoming fruitful only added to her frustration. She was watching for Becker to get back from lunch to request the status of her evaluation. The injuries suffered during the explosion were not the main sticking point. It was whether or not her judgment was sound. For an assailant to have gotten close enough to roll out the explosive, she should have been able to detect their presence prior to the attack. The dark circles under her eyes the last week had not gone completely unnoticed by her superior officer either.

"Detective Marks this is Ethan Darnell." Becker introduced a young man wearing a constable's uniform in his early twenties with dark hair, medium build, and piercing hazel eyes.

Charlie looked up then stood to meet the new officer with a firm handshake as he and Becker approached her desk. "Darnell is fresh out of the B. C. Police Academy and will be joining the office. Seeing how you have so much energy from your repeated requests for an early return to field work, I thought you would be the person to get him acquainted." Becker smiled throughout the introductions, but the smile didn't touch his eyes; a reflection of having to deal with the numerous requests to be off desk duty that Marks had inundated him with.

Becker turned to Darnell, "Marks here is one of the best detectives on the force… listen to everything she has to say, but don't pick up the attitude." With that he started to head back to his office then turned with one more thing to add, "Marks, the Robbins case is set for trial. Duwitt is insisting he's innocent, but there is enough DNA evidence along with the testimonies to warrant keeping him locked up for now. Good work." He smiled approvingly, and left the new officer with Charlie.

Relief that the coach would be facing charges for his actions flooded through her. Turning back to her new charge a small frown crossed her lips. ****_ Great now I get to babysit_.** ** She thought to herself. ****_ I wanted to have something solid before meeting with Toby later today_**. ** "Welcome to the force – " she was cut off by Ethan.

"Look I know you probably have other things you want to be doing than showing me around the office. I'm good with that. Why don't we do the tour thing for Becker's benefit then you can ditch me, and get back to work." His eyes shone and his smile was friendly, but there was something about him that made the hairs on the back of Charlie's neck stand up.

* * *

At the end of shift Toby hung up his uniform and headed down to try one last time to talk to Cali. If he couldn't get through to the girl he was afraid of what would happen once she was released in a few days. There was no note to prove suicidal intentions and she had lied about what had happened in the bathroom when the staff psychologist had talked with her.

The door to her hospital room was open, but she didn't notice Toby's approach at first. It was obvious she had been crying as her face was red and tear stained. "Cali?" She glanced up then tried to look away to keep him from seeing her cry. "Do you remember me? I'm the paramedic that brought you in from the locker and then again… later." She nodded slightly as he was moving closer to her bedside. "How are you doing today?"

She sniffled a little trying to appear more fine than she felt. "I'm O.K." Not quite as hostile as during his previous visit, he took her lack of resistance to his presence as a good sign. "Why are you here?"

He sat down in the chair beside her bed so he would not be towering over her. "I wanted to check on you… " She had wiped her face off the best she could and then slowly turned to look at him. Cali's eyes were puffy and on the verge of overflowing with more tears. "Make sure you were all right… which I can see you're not. "

"I'm just clumsy." She tried to lie but her voice cracked and the tears flowed down her cheeks again.

He looked at her with sympathy in his eyes. She was trying so hard to pretend. "Cali… I don't believe that's true. You did this on purpose, didn't you?" Toby's intense blue eyes looked into her frightened and desperate ones. The question made her cry all the harder. She finally broke, nodded slightly, and then froze as if afraid of what she had just admitted.

Toby's face radiated compassion for what she was going through, and his voice softened to a loud whisper, "Can you tell me why?" He knew Charlie had Sarah's testimony about what had happened, but Cali needed to deal with it or she might not survive the next attempt. He held his breath hoping she would trust him. Cali stared at him wanting to talk, but feeling like the words wouldn't come. ++ **I can't say the words… you can't know what he did to me. **++

"Toby…" he turned at the familiar voice at the doorway. Charlie had come down to the hospital to check on Cali herself and to let the girl know the coach had been arrested. "Can you give us a minute?"

"Yeah… sure." The questions were there in his eyes and Charlie answered with her thoughts, ++ **He's being held in jail pending trial. We're going to need her testimony. **++ Toby turned back to Cali, "I know you won't believe me right now, but it is going to be OK. Hang in there." Then with a quick nod to Charlie he left the room. He didn't notice the young officer in the hallway outside Cali's room that started to follow him.

* * *

"Cali I'm Detective Marks. We spoke once before." the girl paused for a moment then recognition flashed in her eyes.

"You are the cop that came and asked me the follow up questions when I got trapped in the locker." Her brow furrowed in puzzlement as to why the detective was back.

Charlie smiled reassuringly, "Yes, that's right." Now comes the hard part, she thought. "Cali, when I asked you before if there was anyone else there when the door jammed on the locker you told me there wasn't… That you had been alone. But we had a report that Coach Duwitt was present for that incident…" Cali's eyes widened, but she stayed silent. "There is also a matter involving Duwitt regarding events that occurred approximately three months ago that we need to discuss." Cali pulled her arms up and crossed them over her stomach as she clenched her eyes shut. The tears still flowed down her cheeks despite her efforts to bite them back.

After a few moments of silence when it was obvious the girl was trying to ignore the questions completely by shutting everything out and pulling within herself, Charlie pushed a little more with the information she had been armed with before walking into the room. "Cali I realize this is hard to talk about, but please try." Another beat of silent tears before Charlie persisted, "Your medical chart shows that you are pregnant, Cali. A paternity test can prove via DNA results who the father of that child is, but I think it would be easier if you could tell me." Charlie's voice was soft in an attempt to ease the blow of her words.

"I didn't want to." Cali's voice was raw, and the sentence came out as not much more than a pained whisper. Part of Charlie wanted to run away from the girl's pain because it brought back too much of her own, but her desire to help Cali through this was stronger. "He wouldn't stop."

"Can you tell me who?" Marks throat was tightening up as well.

"Coach… Coach Duwitt." A fresh batch of tears cascaded down Cali's cheeks as she finally opened her eyes to look up at Charlie.

"OK I need you to tell me in your own words what happened."

"I was stupid to stay after practice one day … he cornered me in the equipment locker then he pushed me down on the mats, and… he raped me." The last few words were barely whispered as Cali proceeded to describe the incident with details that matched the confidential statement made earlier by Sarah. By the time the girl had stopped speaking there was a rock solid case against Duwitt.

"What's going to happen now?" Cali had exhausted all her tears for the moment and was fighting off the urge to close her eyes and fall into oblivious sleep.

"There will be a trial, and with some help you'll rebuild your life. It may not seem like it right now, but you do have choices, and things will get better." The tiredness showed through in Charlie's voice as well. "Get some rest, I'll come back and check on you tomorrow and we can talk more then about where we go from here."

"My life's over. How could I be so stupid?" Cali cried in a hollow voice.

"Hey… you'll get through this, and don't blame yourself. It's not your fault." Charlie heard the echo of Toby's words in her reassurance.

"How would you know?" Despair filled the girl's eyes.

"Because I did." Cali looked up at the detective not sure she had heard right. Charlie nodded, "I was fifteen. Get some sleep." The girl finally laid her head down and closed her eyes as Charlie drew in a deep breath at having volunteered information from her past then turned and strode out of the room.

* * *

The man Marks had called Toby sat only a few rows of chairs away from where Ethan attempted to fade into the shadows of the corner. It would be so easy to probe his mind and get the answers the institute wanted, but there was a gnawing uneasiness that made Ethan pause. What if this was his brother? Alive all these years – why hadn't he tried to find Ethan? Growing up with hospital like surroundings, and doctors or scientists rather than playmates and a family had caused Ethan to grow ever more certain that both his mother and elusive brother must be dead. Even if they had not wanted him at first a child's mind finds loopholes. Surely in time they would have come to realize how special Ethan was and missed him enough to come looking for him to apologize for their mistake and bring him home. But they never came. The only reasoning a lonely boy could tolerate was that they must be dead. It had allowed him to get through day after day of what the institute pushed him to learn and do.

Now Ethan was faced with the possibility that the institute had been right. He was simply not wanted. Shunned by family and strangers alike he had to fit into the agenda of those white coated men in order to survive. He felt a deep longing to reconnect with a brother he had only imagined while at the same time feeling resentful loathing of this possible sibling who never cared enough to rescue Ethan from the stainless white walls that came to be more a prison than a home.

Charlie saw Toby sitting in the waiting area just down the hall from Cali's room, and he stood up to meet her as she came towards the main doors. "Everything go OK?" He could tell the interview had taken a lot out of her.

"Her testimony will put him away for a long time." She sighed.

"How are you holding up?" Toby gently asked. The dark circles under her eyes were still there and although her previous injuries were almost healed if you looked into her eyes there were still scars that most never saw.

"I'll be OK. Should be getting home…" She glanced around and didn't see Oz anywhere, "Do you need a ride?"

He was glad she offered as it would give him a little more time with her to ensure she was indeed OK. "That would be great…"

A puzzled expression crossed her face as she stood up, and Toby's eyes followed her gaze to see what she was looking at. "Something wrong?" he asked when he didn't see anything out of place. She shook her head … +*+ **That cop over there in the corner – he just started in our office today. There's something about him ..**. +*+

Toby reached out with his mind to see if he could get a hit off the young officer, but didn't hear anything. He shook his head in response to Charlie's raised eyebrows to let her know he didn't get a read.

"Come on it's been a long day. Lets go." She tried to shrug it off as they got in her car, and started pulling away. Toby glanced back and caught a glimpse of the same officer coming out the hospital entrance as they were rounding the corner to the main road.

There wasn't much traffic this time of evening between St. Luke's and his place, but they took it slow due to how exhausting the day had been. "Think Cali will be able to testify once the case gets to court?" Toby wasn't listening with his gift, but he was using his other senses to gauge Charlie's state.

"I hope so, but it's hard to say. She's got a lot to deal with right now. Do you mind if we talk about something else?" Her head was pounding and the last thing she wanted to do was try to concentrate on the road and deal with the emotions she was holding back at the same time.

"Sure... like what?"

"I didn't get any matches on the photo you gave me last night which is in itself weird as surely your mother had a driver's license or picture ID of some sort. But there doesn't seem to be any record of her or you for that matter up to age five. Do you have anything else we could go on?" Charlie's senses sharpened as she shifted into investigation mode.

"There is something I discussed with Ray, but it's a risk." He looked out the passenger window, but kept his voice loud enough for her to easily hear. "Most of my memory before age five and the orphanage is still blocked out, but there might be a way to tear down the walls. If I do.." He paused as the car pulled up in front of his apartment building , "there is a chance I could get those memories back."

"What's the risk?" She knew there had to be more.

He turned towards her. "I might get my past back or I could lose the present. Without knowing what memories are buried, there is the risk that my mind would simply shut down."

She had not anticipated that. "What are you going to do?" Concern for him was evident in her voice.

"I don't know yet." His voice trailed off then he seemed to snap back to the present. "Hey thanks for the ride." He hopped out and made his way up to his apartment. Once the door was closed, a man slipped out of the shadows of the hallway. Ethan Darnell stayed in the hallway outside Toby's place – Listening.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

It was late, but Charlie couldn't stop thinking about what Toby had brought up about the chance to recover his memories and the danger that choice could bring. She had met Dr. Ray Mercer before on a case Toby was involved with, and knew that Ray had been the main guiding force in Toby's life growing up. Long shot that it might be, she picked up her phone and tried calling Dr. Mercer at his office. The line picked up on the third ring.

"Hello?" Dr. Mercer didn't often stay late at the university, but the situation with Toby had him worried enough to be putting in extra time searching for a way to get the answers from the past without risking Toby's life.

"Dr. Mercer… this is Detective Marks. I'm glad you are still in the office… there is something I wanted to discuss with you regarding Toby." Careful of how much she said over the phone, Charlie left the details unspoken.

"Is he all right?" Images of something horrible happening to the man he had come to care about as the son he never had raced though his worried mind.

"He's fine… Can I come by the office to talk?", she really didn't want to have this conversation over the phone.

Relieved that her call was not to tell him that Toby had been hurt, Ray agreed to meet with her.

The knock at the door signaled Dr. Mercer that his guest had arrived. "Come in Detective." He motioned for her to take a seat as he closed the door and flipped the lock.

Charlie began to speak as soon as Ray had gotten seated behind the desk, "I don't like wasting time so allow me to get right to the point. Toby brought up to me that there might be a way for him to remember his past, but there is a danger to it. What more can you tell me?"

Ray was taken aback a bit that Toby would have mentioned this to Detective Marks, but he should have expected it given the trust Toby had expressed in her previously. Now whether that trust was wisely placed would no doubt be put to the test. "There is a form of hypnosis that might be able to break down his barriers, but the risk lies in what happens after those walls are gone. The mind doesn't protect itself without good reason. I only brought it up to him as a result of his persistence in uncovering his past."

"Toby provided me a picture of his mother and him from less than a year before he was brought here. I tried to match the image to any records that might give me a lead to follow up on, but there was literally no trace of his mother. I couldn't find any matches for his information prior to 1986. That simply is not possible without someone having cleansed those records from the system." Marks quickly updated the doctor on what research had been done.

"You did what!" Anger at the carelessness of putting a photo of Toby and his mother out there in a search exploded in Ray's voice. "How could you be so careless?"

Careless? Marks didn't understand where this anger was coming from as what she had done seemed simple enough. It had only been basic research into trying to find a missing person. "Do you know something Toby doesn't about his past?" suspicion crept into her voice as her eyes narrowed.

"I don't know what happened to Toby or his family before he was brought here at age five, but I do know the absolute terror the man who brought him to me had in his eyes. That man warned me there were people after Toby and to never let them find him. His past had to stay buried in order to let him survive and have a chance at a life, and now you may have jeopardized the life that he has spent the past twenty three years trying to achieve." Unconsciously Ray paced over to the window and peered out as if he would be able to see them coming.

Panic began to well up in Charlie's throat threatening to choke off her voice. "If that's true then it's critical that we find out about Toby's past before whoever they are find him."

* * *

Toby had fallen into a deep slumber almost instantly from exhaustion due to little sleep and much worry over the past several days. The images started out much the same as other nights, but suddenly the dream memories shifted horribly, and he bolted awake.

The man out in the hallway smirked sadly as he spoke to Toby's mind, ++** Careful what you wish for**. ++ then he was gone into the night.

* * *

Detective Marks hadn't gotten much sleep, but what else was new she thought as she waited at the hospital for Toby to show up for work. She half dozed in the waiting room chair where Toby saw her and tapped her shoulder while saying her name to wake her.

"Charlie…. Charlie wake up…" He was tempted to let her get some sleep as she obviously needed it, but he needed to know why she was here.

"Toby." She shook her head to clear it and focused on the paramedic with those intensely curious eyes staring back at her.

"Hey what are you doing here?" he asked seeing she was still coming fully awake.

"I talked to Ray last night… about what you mentioned when I dropped you off." She paused a moment not sure what Toby's reaction would be. He nodded with his eyebrows furrowed, but without any anger or condemnation.

"I've been thinking about the same thing all morning. Charlie, I'm going to go through with it. Whatever is in my past … I have to know." There was a determination in his stance that was resigned as well as courageous. While this was exactly what she was going to tell him - that the past had to be recovered, she was still worried for him.

"Ray has agreed to a session later today at my place… " He added then in reply to her puzzled unspoken question of why later admitted, "I need today to put some things in order and let Ryder know I may need some time off." That spooked her. It sounded too much like putting affairs in order for someone who knew they would soon be gone. Her face paled. "Hey… it's just in case, you know? Don't write me off yet." He brought up that child like grin to try and reassure her. She attempted to smile back, but was not very convincing. His face became serious, and he ducked his head a little, "I would like you to be there if you could." The request was shaky. He wasn't entirely sure why he wanted her there and Ray would no doubt call her presence an unwanted distraction. But the words having been said couldn't be taken back, and he braced for her response.

"When?" Her brisk tone conveyed an unconditional promise to be there with no further questions or demands of why.

He looked gratefully back up at her. "A little before eight this evening would be good." He saw Oz down the hall motion for him to get a move on so they would not be late for their shift, and he stood to leave. "And Charlie… " she raised her eyebrows expectantly as he spoke quietly, "Thank you." He then shuffled off without looking back.

Marks was tired enough she could have gone home and slept the rest of the day, but there was someone else she needed to talk to first.

* * *

Cali's mother was sitting at her bedside when Detective Marks came to the doorway of the girl's room.

"Good morning Cali… Ms. Robbins." Charlie nodded as she greeted them. "You are looking better today… get some rest last night?" The question was directed to Cali who seemed stronger in how she held herself.

"Yeah… " Cali half smiled.

"Detective, we both want to thank you for all you've done." Ms. Robbins addressed Charlie.

"There is still the trial to deal with and you have some choices to make Cali I'm sure. At least things are moving in the right direction now." Her eyebrows rose in a questioning fashion and Cali nodded with a small smile. "I wanted to make sure you had the victim resources information." Marks handed Cali a folder packet that contained some pamphlets and contact information. "I hear you are going home soon…" Cali's eyes brightened, and her mother confirmed it.

"This afternoon… we are just waiting on the final discharge paperwork." Ms. Robbins added.

"Well I'll be going then… take care of yourself Cali, OK?" There was emphasis on the last part as Charlie held Cali's eye contact for several moments. With that, Marks headed down the hallway so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't hear Olivia when the doctor first called out to her.

"Detective Marks…" Olivia tried a second time but this time added a little more volume to her voice. "Did you hear me?" she continued seeing Mark's puzzled expression, "I asked if you had received the initial medical reports for the Robbins case I sent over."

Snapping out of her private obsessing, Charlie registered the question and quickly replied. "Yes… yes I did. Thank you for rushing those files over."

"You OK? You seem a little distracted… " Olivia was surprised since Marks was one of the best detectives she had met in a long time, and the normally alert and detail oriented cop seemed abnormally hazy.

Catching the doctor's analyzing gaze sweep over her, Charlie attempted to prevent further suspicion about any lingering issues which would keep her desk bound by her superiors. "I'm fine… just tired. Have to get back to the station. Thanks again Dr. Fawcett." Marks didn't wait for a reply before she was out the hospital door. **++ I wonder if she is having problems dealing with the fall out of the explosion.** ++

"Morning Liv…" Toby tossed out as he walked past her in the hallway. He had heard her mental voice but chose not to follow up on it. Olivia had stood watching the door where Marks had walked out minutes before trying to place what this feeling was that something was not quite right with the detective.

Turning at the sound of his voice a smile blossomed on Olivia's face, "Good morning …" she chimed, then her face wrinkled in thought. "Have you noticed Detective Marks acting a little… I don't know disconnected lately?"

Toby knew the most likely cause of Charlie's recent uncharacteristic behavior, but it was not his secret to share. "She's dealing with some stuff… you know the explosion and all, but she'll be all right. By the way Liv I'm not going to be able to make dinner tonight."

++ **Here it comes … the same old disappearing act at the last minute. There is a line between mysteriously charming and plain annoying you know**. The thought coursed through Olivia's mind and Toby tried not to wince at the harsh tone.

"Liv… " He searched for something to say that would not be a lie, but would help her understand all the same. Toby sighed failing to come up with an adequate bridge between the truth and what he could tell her without her knowing about his gift. "I'll give you a call when I can I promise…. Just please remember I love you." His phone paged him to an EMS call as he kissed her forehead quickly and darted down the hall.

Had the world gone insane? First Marks acting like she had taken up residence in the twilight zone, now Toby acting like he was saying good bye for possibly the last time. Olivia would be glad when this day was over and the world returned to normal.

* * *

Toby had been quieter than usual and over lunch had scribbled out several notes then placed them in sealed envelopes. Oz observed his partner's behavior with growing trepidation, but didn't push till the last run of the day was complete and Toby had gone to Ryder to request some time off.

"Hey man, what's going on?" Oz intercepted Toby coming back from their boss's office. "And don't tell me it's nothing because you have been acting strange all day."

Not wanting to lie to his partner yet not feeling comfortable disclosing everything either, Toby tried for enough of the truth to let Oz understand without pulling him further into possible trouble. "There is something going on, but don't sweat it OK. It's what I have to do is all."

"You're going to be OK though, right?" Oz wasn't quite satisfied with the short assurance.

"Yeah sure." There was too much of a hesitation before answering, and Toby could see that Oz was not buying it. "Look I have to go." Grabbing his jacket, Toby started to leave.

"You better come back man…. Don't leave me with the boss riding shot gun or I might have to get a shot gun. Toby, you hear me?" He called down to the receding figure. There was genuine concern in his voice, but Oz didn't want to admit how worried he really was.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

It was almost time… the clock and time itself seemed to have slowed in the past ten minutes to an agonizing crawl. Toby paced his apartment ricocheting between feeling foolish for getting so worked up over something that might not change anything, and trying to ignore the increasingly tightening knot in his stomach that said to leave the past alone. If it did unlock the past - wasn't that what he wanted… to finally know what his life had held before. There was a sharp rap at the door, and Toby was relieved to see that Charlie had arrived before Ray. He motioned for her to come in.

She took one look at his wide eyes and clenching hands and knew he was having a harder time facing this than he had let on that morning. "Toby, you know you can still call this off. It's not too late."

He shook his head adamantly at her, "No, I have to do this." Pulling four sealed letters out of his work jacket he walked over to stand beside her slightly trembling. "Toby held the letters out to her. "In case something goes wrong…can you please make sure these get in the right hands?"

She glanced down at the envelopes, and noticed each had a name scrolled across it… Olivia, Oz, Ray, and one for her. "OK Toby now you are scaring me. What are you not telling me about this?"

"The nightmare I had last night… it started out like before, but suddenly it all changed and there was a white room and a man on his knees in front of me pleading for me to stop. I don't know how old I was… it was confusing/disjointed images then a voice over a speaker saying that was enough for today." He looked away ashamed for things he might have done.

Wrinkling her forehead in puzzlement, she shook her head. "That doesn't make sense. You can read thoughts, but how could that harm someone?"

"I don't know –" a second knock at the door interrupted Toby mid sentence. "But if it turns out I'm a danger to the people around me… " He left the sentence hanging as he broke eye contact and crossed the room to answer the door. Charlie discreetly pocketed the letters inside her vest as the professor made his way into the apartment.

Nodding a quick greeting to Marks, Ray focused on Toby. "Is there anything I can say that will talk you out of this?" It was next to impossible that the young paramedic would have changed his mind after coming this far, but Ray didn't want to look back one day thinking he might have stopped a chain reaction before it started if he had simply been a little more persuasive.

"It's my decision Ray… let's get started." Toby eased into the red chair with his back to the door preferring to be sitting up rather than lying down on the couch. Charlie faded into the background as much as possible by choosing to sit on the couch on the other side of the coffee table. Nervously, she steeled her hands on her knees.

Ray laid his jacket across the nearby green padded chair as he pulled up the foot rest that matched the seat Toby had taken. ++ **Forgive me if this doesn't go well**. ++ One last message sent out for Toby alone before Ray calmed his mind, and asked Marks to do the same. "I'll need you to keep your mind as clear as possible." Ray instructed the detective, and she nodded her understanding. With a deep breath, the professor turned back to Toby.

"Close your eyes and clear your mind. Fortify your shields." Ray's voice deepened and slowed to allow time for the telepathic barriers to gain strength.

"Now take a deep breath, and hold it... and ... just let it all go...That's good..." the first task was to get Toby to a point of relaxation. "... and now I would like you to focus on your breathing... just become aware of the gentle in and out of your breath..."

"for the next ten breaths... you could start counting each breath out... counting down from ten down to one... as you breathe out... say the next number under your breath... or think of the next number... if you can..." Toby's frame started to lose some of the tension, and his chest started to rise and fall more evenly.

"as you say each number quietly to yourself... you might find that those numbers are disappearing...you may find it harder and harder to know what number comes next... and you can relax those numbers away... if you want to... those numbers can disappear completely... with each gentle breath... as you drift down and down... and as you become aware of that at some level... that means that things are going exactly the way they should be... and your mind is opening to new possibilities..." With the relaxation and induction complete it was time to move on to digging deeper into Toby's mind where the repressed memories were held.

"And now I would like you to find yourself in front of a door… it's a door you have never laid eyes on before deep within your mind ... and when you are in front of that door and you are ready to go on I would like you to signal to me by moving a finger or a thumb that just lets me know that you are ready to go on." Ray watched as there was a slight twitch of Toby's thumb.

"Toby, What color is the door?"

"White." Toby's voice was flat and distant sounding yet loud enough for both Ray and Charlie to clearly hear him.

"It's white... and is there anything else about that door?"

"There's a round white handle. The door is not attached to anything… it's just floating there against the darkness. "

"Does that door open inward or outward?"

"Inward."

"It opens inward... can you reach out and open that door?"

Toby's arm trembled, "It's locked… It won't open."

"Look closely at the door. See a keyhole at the bottom of the lock. You have the key. Open your hand and you will see the key. Use the key to open the door when you are ready."

Fingers uncurled and in his mind Toby saw a shining key.

"Try the door again. Is it still locked?"

"No… the knob is turning now." A barrage of images and voices overwhelmed Toby's mind like water bursting through a floodgate. He started gasping for air, and his eyes flew open to vacantly stare at the ceiling.

Alarmed flared in Ray's expression, but he fought to keep the emotion from his voice. "Toby, can you hear me?" There was no response as the sound of Ray's voice was drowned out by the now unrestrained howls assaulting Toby's mind. Angered by being pushed into silence for a lifetime the memories flashed faster than his conscious mind could absorb them. Tension grabbed hold of his body as he sat bolt upright; eyes wildly darted around the room as his chest heaved with labored breathing; a cold sweat was fast drenching Toby's shirt.

Marks looked back and forth from Toby to Ray not sure what had just happened nor how to help. Ray didn't look like he completely understood the startling reaction himself. He started to reach out a steadying hand to Toby who looked like he was about to fall over, but Toby swiftly brought a hand up in a halting gesture before Ray made contact. Moments felt like an eternity as the three occupants of the room each tried to make sense of what had just happened.

Toby's breathing steadied enough to use his voice, "Don't … too much." The first one word command was a warning for both of them to stay back as touch often heightened the telepathic connection, and the second strained combination of words was an attempt to explain why. Ray nodded recalling how when Toby was young there were times that he couldn't stand physical contact due to the overwhelming push on his mind.

Given a few minutes, Toby could feel the pounding in his head start to lesson, and his breathing return almost to normal. He wiped sweat from his face and tried to swallow. Everything was still blurred and the pounding had left a sharp headache in its wake. There was too much to try to process inside his head. Instead he chose to focus on his physical condition first. "I'm going to go grab a change of clothes." Wobbly legs started to carry him to his bedroom. He closed his eyes for a moment to get his balance, and could sense both of them instinctively begin to reach out again to keep him from falling over. "I've got it… just need a minute." After a few more stops and starts he achieved the goal of his bedroom where he promptly collapsed onto an unmade bed.

Out in the living room Marks kept her voice low as she hissed at the doctor, "What just happened!" Her tone was a mixture of terrified rage and disbelief.

Ray kept his eyes on the bed where Toby was lying down with his hand over his eyes trying to recover, "I'm not entirely sure."

Images and fragments of disjointed voices swarmed in Toby's mind. It was like a tidal wave, and he was trying desperately not to drown. Slowly he rebuilt from ground zero the barriers he had learned to construct as a child to calm his mind down to a manageable din. He was aware of Charlie and Ray quietly whispering in the other room, but the noise in his head was too much to pay attention.

When he finally opened his eyes again there was a shift in the lighting from what he remembered. The living room lights were off and there was one light on in the kitchen. Carefully he sat up and blinked back the headache that was persistently letting him know that the night's endeavor may have been foolish indeed.

"Ray?" Toby's voice was not much beyond a strained whisper, but the man he had called for instantly came to the bedside.

"I'm here… how are you doing?" The professor's face plainly showed his worry over Toby's collapse.

"I've been better." He attempted to joke, but then winced at the pain his laughter caused to spike through his temple.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Always the scientist Ray immediately jumped to research mode once it was clear that Toby was getting back to himself.

Still working on orienting back to the present, Toby scanned the apartment. "How long was I out Ray?"

"About four hours… I finally convinced Detective Marks to go home about an hour ago. She looked almost as bad as you did and I informed her rather briskly that I did not need two people passed out here."

Coming back to Ray's original question Toby tried to explain. "There was a flood of images and voices… memories I guess from before, but it was all mixed up coming faster than I could sort it. Most of my walls are back in place now, and I have a splitting headache but don't think there was any actual damage."

"Let's start by getting you something for that headache, then I think the best thing for you would be to get as much rest as you can." Toby closed his eyes shut against the faint light of the kitchen as Ray hurried to get some pain killers and a glass of water.

"Thanks Ray.. " Toby downed the pills and laid his head back down on the pillow.

* * *

Morning rays of sunlight poured through the window causing Charlie to groan at the brightness of her bedroom. Suddenly it all came back – Toby and the late night before that had ended in her being sent home by Ray.

The phone was in her hand before her thoughts caught up with her. Halfway through dialing Toby's number she stopped. Maybe I should give him some time. He was pretty out of it last night. Hitting the clear button she redialed connecting to Ray's office.

"Professor Mercer" he sounded exhausted.

"Professor this is Detective Marks... how's Toby?" her breath held fast in her throat fearing things had gotten worse rather than better.

"Recovering... he needs rest. After that ... I simply don't know what impact last night's events will have long term." Ray reluctantly admitted.

* * *

Toby's head still felt like it was going to explode any moment, but he finished buttoning up his uniform. Turning to head to the ambulance he saw Oz; relief evident on his friend's face at seeing Toby back at work.

"Hey you look like you were up all night... were you hanging out with Olivia?" Oz's thoughts often gravitated to women and despite his lack of getting what Toby and Olivia had in their off and on relationship that was still the first thing that popped into his head.

"No Oz...can you speak a little softer man."

Oz looked closely at his friend, "You're not hung over, are you? If you're hung over Ryder will - "

"I'm not hung over Oz... just have a lot going on right now."

Oz's expression changed to one of comprehension, "Oh You mean... " He pointed to his head.

Nodding slightly, Toby didn't feel up to long explanations and they needed to get moving on the truck before Ryder got on to them.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

Marks stumbled over to her desk nursing a headache of her own. The lack of sleep the past week and emotional strain not to mention being almost blown up had really taken more of a toll on her than she had been willing to admit.

"Marks, Good news - You've been approved to go back in the field … provisionally. Darnell will be temporarily assigned as your new partner." He held up a hand to stop her protest. "It's a partner or stay at your desk. Plus it gives him a chance to get his feet wet."

**** Give me a hose and I will get his feet wet ** **she grumbled silently to herself. Ethan chuckled under his breath at the comment as he came up beside Decker.

"Something funny?" Marks glared at the junior detective.

Ethan shook his head, but his eyes were clearly still laughing at her.

"Hey – play nice." Becker was not in the mood to referee. "There was a break in reported earlier this morning at the corner of College and Bay Street. I want you two to go check it out." He tossed off the order then headed back to his office.

"Let's go partner." He put emphasis on the last word to annoy her. She simply glared as he followed her out to her car.

The ride over was quiet. At least as far as Detective Marks was concerned as her mind was still going over the night before and Darnell was wisely keeping his mouth shut. ** **Need to ditch this guy and go talk to Toby. That was pretty intense last night he broke through to something that's for sure**. ** Ethan's mind listened to Charlie's inner dialogue as he let his eyes wander to the side window. While she was distracted with driving and whatever had taken place the night before, he started to sift through the rest of her mind as if it were a filing cabinet to see what he could learn of both her, who had initiated the search on Maya, as well as this Toby Character.

It had taken time to learn how to access the information in people's mind that was not foremost in their thoughts, but he had been learning how to control and expand his gift all his life. Now finding out people's deepest secrets was like child's play – child's play with a very sharp knife. This detective had a link to his brother he found as he read that the picture she had uploaded was of Toby and his mother. Toby believed his mother dead, but they were searching for a brother taken as a baby. Taken? He seethed inwardly. Did this Toby really believe such a naïve lie. A seething anger solidified into a cold venom.

They pulled up in front of the little mom and pop store. Charlie turned the engine off then glanced at Ethan. Maybe she wasn't giving this guy a fair chance despite her gut reaction to him. "Look I work best alone, but Becker has seen fit to put us both on this so let's just get the job done."

She inwardly shuddered as despite his smile his eyes when he turned to face her were dead cold.

"I couldn't agree more. We need to get this wrapped up." Detective work was not the only matter Ethan was referring to, but she would know that soon enough.

* * *

Thankfully the day had been relatively uneventful with a couple of minor injuries and a false alarm on a heart attack. Toby and Oz pulled back into St. Lukes and hopped out of the ambulance.

"The love doctor is off to practice a little medicine my man… catch you in the morning." Oz checked his hair in the locker mirror than swayed off humming to himself.

Toby was glad to simply go home to a quiet empty apartment. The background buzz of other people's thoughts had been exceptionally hard to block out while still working on rebuilding the shattered walls of his mind. He thought breaking down the block to his past would result in instant answers, but his brief phone conversation with Ray over lunch informed him that even though the memories were no longer out right blocked he would still need retrieval cues for the mind to access the information. It was akin to finally having picked open the lock on the filing cabinet but not knowing what folders to pull to get to the right memory.

He decided to try starting with the memories that had already leaked through. Focusing his mind on the image of the burning trailer, he closed his eyes and waited for the missing details to fill in the blanks.

Knock, knock. Toby's eyes flew open. _So much for quiet time to reflect._ Sighing, he pushed himself up from the kitchen table and went to the door.

"Toby? Hey Toby it's Marks." She called through the door as she was about to knock again more forcibly in case he had not heard her.

"Not so loud… my head's still a bit tender." He rubbed the back of his head, and then motioned for her to step inside.

She lowered her voice, "Mercer said you were still recovering…"

Was there anyone who was not playing nursemaid to him today? The concern was flattering, but he was starting to feel a bit annoyed at having so many mother hens.

"Since you seem to still be in one piece thought you would want these back." She held out letters with his handwriting scrolled across them.

"Just set them down on the desk by the computer. I'll get them later. You want a beer?" he offered.

"Sure… " There was a question that hung in the air between them that she didn't have to say nor think for him to pick up on.

He opened the bottle, and handed it to her in silence as they both sat down at the kitchen table and took a few sips. "I don't really know any more now than I did before. Ray says it has to do with memory cues … that even though I should have access to them now there has to be a hook so to speak to grab onto them. Maybe when my head stops reverbing like the inside of a drum I can figure out how to get all the chaos to make sense."

Suddenly there was another knock heard at his door that evening. Toby puzzled for a moment who it could be then figured Ray had decided to drop by to check in on him as well.

"Expecting company?" She had seen the puzzlement cross his face.

"No I wasn't expecting any company tonight." The slight dig at her dropping by was not lost on Charlie, but the frustration was not directly aimed at her but rather at not having the time alone to get the answers he had expected would come.

Halfway across the living room Toby could make out enough of the form on the other side of the door to know it was not Ray. He stopped and glanced back at Charlie. Sensing that something was up she stood and started across towards the door as well stopping beside Toby.

"It's Ethan Darnell – the detective we saw at the hospital. What would he be doing here?" She kept her voice low to keep the man at the door from hearing her.

++** Well are you going to let me in Toby?** ++Ethan projected directly towards the stunned paramedic.

Toby motioned for Marks to stay back and something in his eyes told her she was not the only one that found the junior detective alarming. Slowly Toby opened the door, and the younger man walked right in as if he had an engraved invitation. Ethan nodded acknowledgment of Marks then turned around to face Toby straight on.

"Hear your looking for a brother." Ethan's tone was casual on the surface, but there was a strained under flow that was anything but jovial. Alarm and suspicion flared in Toby's eyes as they darted to meet with Charlie's. "You found me." he flashed a big grin, "Well that's not exactly right… I found *you*, but let's not quibble about technicalities in the midst of such a warm family reunion."

+*+ **Toby – could he really be?** +*+ In the shock of the moment Charlie didn't think about the fact that if they were brothers Ethan could easily share the talent of telepathy.

Ethan turned on her, "Yes I could be and I am. Now the real question is why it only took you oh say twenty three years to start to wonder what became of me. Everyone assumed you were dead. I can understand being busy, but don't you think that's a tad long." Sarcasm coated every syllable while furious accusations shot from darkening brown eyes.

Charlie's face had gone pale, and Toby's focus intensified with the fact now obvious that this man, brother or not, did share his gift.

"You're my brother?" the question Toby asked was part from shock, but also to buy a little time.

"Were you not paying attention?" Genuine annoyance played across Ethan's features. "I'm sure you must be surprised at my turning up at your doorstep seeing how you and mom must have thought you were rid of me as a baby, but you can thank your Detective friend here for that."

** **The photo** ** the image and mental words sprung to Toby's thoughts.

"Yes of course the photo. Really Toby I must say I'm a bit disappointed as I thought you would be quicker on the uptake than this." Ethan feigned disappointment as if he were a teacher addressing a slow pupil. "Speaking of mom… is she here lurking about somewhere too?"

"She's dead." Memories of Maya jumping into the river flashed across his mind then the memory of being told she couldn't be brought back. Ethan listened in and probed deeper not quite believing Toby. As the memories were scanned they flew past Toby's conscious mind quicker than he could latch on to them…. a complete childhood of foster homes, and preparing for his current occupation flipped through in what felt like moments causing Toby to stumble backwards at the onslaught. Toby saw echoes from Ethan's conscious mind as the memories flashed past.

"I suppose I will have to take your word for it." Ethan scowled disappointed that he would not get the chance to make his mother see how much she had missed out on when she decided to abandon him.

Charlie was only privy to the spoken communication, but she lunged forward to keep Toby on his feet when he started to fall backwards.

Ethan thwarted the attempt at aid by reaching into Charlie's mind and quickly finding the most disturbing memories encased therein to pull forward and amplify. She gasped as suddenly she found herself back in that bedroom at age fifteen – helpless and afraid. Once the memory took hold in her conscious mind, Ethan spun the thoughts in a rapid cycle to prevent her from evading the flashback. It only took a couple minutes for her to be on her knees gasping trying to deal with the barrage of being immersed back in an amplified version of her worst nightmare. But that was enough time for Toby to recover his footing.

"Stop! Leave her out of this!" Toby desperately screamed as he was being pelted by images from Charlie's tortured mind as well as backlash from Ethan's.

"Such touching concern for your friend… " all the anger of the little boy Ethan once was that was forced to cry night after night alone in his room for the family that never wanted him surfaced, "Such compassion for her, but not a second thought about tossing me away." The emotional pain was causing Ethan to become reckless and some of his defensive barriers faltered allowing Toby to catch a glimpse.

**++ A much younger version of Ethan lay curled into a ball wiping tears from his eyes. "Your mother didn't want another … special child Ethan that is why she gave you to us. We are your family now. We tried to save your brother as well, but we fear she may have drowned him. Now let's concentrate on the exercise…" ++**

"Ethan… " Toby tried to gasp out words amid the chaos, "They lied. They took you from us, and they tried to take me as well. She was trying to protect both of us."

"Sure… it was just convenient that she managed to save you but not me, huh? Do I look that stupid to you?" a lifetime of anger boiled up to surpass rage as Ethan stepped closer to Toby. Toby moved back deliberately pulling his brother further away from where Charlie lay curled up on the floor gritting her teeth.

"You don't believe me… fine search my memories… see it through my eyes." Toby challenged.

There was just enough spark left of childish hope that maybe Toby was telling the truth that Ethan paused momentarily and then started delving deep into the furthest conscious recesses of Toby's mind.

** "**Toby your mother loves you very much, but we can't bring her back**… " ** ** **"You like your new brother?", a five year old Toby nodded, "What are we going to name him?" "I don't know what do you think?**" **

Confusion clashed between the images from Toby's mind and what Ethan had been told his whole life. "It's a trick… you're trying to trick me."

"Ethan, Why would I want to trick you … think about it man. What purpose would I have? You are the one pulling this from my head." Toby kept his voice as steady as possible trying to reason his brother out of his blinding rage.

Determined to prove Toby was deceiving him somehow, Ethan started pulling memories from Toby's subconscious. The images and echoes flowing across Ethan's mind and mirroring back to Toby were memories Toby had never consciously recalled before.

+*+ **A four year old Toby was sitting at a simple wooden table in an otherwise all white room with an older man sitting across from him . A voice over a speaker cut in "Good Toby… now mirror that back to his mind." The young boy's face increased with concentration as the adult started to pull back in horror. In moments the man started to scream for Toby to stop and fell to the floor in obvious pain. Toby jumped up from the chair alarmed at the man's reaction. It was only supposed to be a concentration exercise. They told him it was to see if he could replay a memory back to the sender, but something was wrong. "That will be enough for today." The unseen speaker announced**. +*+

+*+ "**Frank, we can't stay here don't you see what they are doing? If I stay they will destroy my son and my baby. Please help us." Maya's voice was desperate**. +*+

+*+ **"I'm sorry mommy." His mother wiped away Toby's tears. "Shhh baby it's not your fault. OK? We are going to get out of here. I promise**." +*+

Toby watched in a mix of awe and horror at the memories that had been locked away from himself for so long.

"Can't be.. " Ethan's face was the picture of tortured confusion. Then his eyes sobered as he looked back at Toby.

Thinking that he had finally convinced Ethan that the stories told during his childhood at the institute were fabrications, Toby took a step forward with his hand out. Ethan's eyes suddenly darted up and around the room.

"Someone's lying…" Ethan hissed, "and I'm going to find out who." with that he fled the apartment. Toby's first impulse was to chase after him, but Charlie was still cradling her head on the floor.

Toby dropped down to examine Charlie. Her eyes were pressed tightly shut and the base of her hands were massaging her temples. "Charlie? Charlie!" He called to her several times before her eyes slowly opened and the disorientation in her mind cleared. Once her eyes could focus again, she took one look into Toby's face and the tears streamed down her cheeks. Words were beyond what she could manage. He picked her head and shoulders up off the floor and simply cradled her in his arms till she was able to gently push him away and her eyes looked pained but clear again.

He helped her up and over to the couch. A few hours and a couple of cups of coffee later she was almost fully recovered. Toby explained what had happened with Ethan after she had been lost to her own past demons, and he explained what he could of the momentarily glimpses into his own forgotten past. She nodded as she listened then both fell silent.

"How are you doing?" It was obvious she had gone through a lot of pain, and he hoped the affects of Ethan's attack was fading.

"The images were just there … I couldn't shut them out. It wasn't only my memories … he twisted things. It felt like it was happening all over again." Realizing this might be what Toby experiences she finally understood how his gift could be a curse. "What Darnell did… is that how it is for you all the time?"

He lowered his eyes, "Not all the time. There are hits that feel like I'm being pulled through someone else's nightmare, but usually it's not that intense. What he did to you was deliberate." Toby's voice fell to a soft whisper, "He meant to hurt you … " How Ray had once likened the abuse of telepathy as a form of mental rape echoed through Toby's mind. "Maybe it's not that different from what I did … before." Maybe you were right about me from the start, Charlie, he thought grateful that she could not hear his inner dialogue. Maybe I'm no better than my brother regardless of the expressed intent.

"You were a child Toby. You can't blame yourself for how others manipulated your abilities. A four year old steals jewelry because that is what he has been taught not because he is evil. Frank and your mother risked everything to get away from the institute because they knew what was happening was wrong and it was hurting you." Her words were not getting through his blank stare.

"Only I didn't steal jewelry… I stole people's minds. This gift," he spat the word as if it were profanity," was fostered to destroy people." His brother had placed Toby on the other side for once. This time he knew what it felt like to have someone invade his thoughts and snatch away what they would without being able to prevent it.

"Your telepathy is a tool, Toby. Like my gun it can be used to protect or harm. We make the decision on how we use what is available to us." His eyes hungered for a way to believe her.

"I've got to get going… you'll get through this, and we will find Ethan." She attempted to reassure him.

"Yeah I think I'm going to head to bed. This headache is getting worse." His forlorn half smile saw her off for the night.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

Charlie stopped off at her desk to research Detective Ethan Darnell, but was not surprised to find the man never existed as far as the police records were concerned.

Marks finally arrived back at her apartment after filing the reports that needed to be discussed with Becker. She flopped back in a chair in the living room and stared off into space for a few minutes letting the recent events settle in her mind. Her gaze fell to an envelope sitting on her table with Toby's handwriting scrawled across the front. She had returned the letters for Oz, Ray, and Olivia, but something caused her to hold this one intended for her back. There was hesitation to read it mainly because she knew it was supposed to be a last goodbye if the hypnosis had gone horribly wrong.

Finally, she leaned over and picked it up tracing the letters before sliding one finger under the lip of the envelope to tear it open.

Charlie,

Guess since you're reading this things didn't exactly go as planned.

I had to try.

I've been hiding from my past for over twenty years. Most days I could ignore it; say it didn't matter without batting an eye.

But the past does matter. It shapes who we are, gives us a place to look back to when life gets crazy. Without that it's too easy to lose ourselves.

Facing the past can be frightening, I know, but I don't want you to lose your future by refusing to look back as I did. I care about you too much to see that happen.

Please don't keep running. You can handle this. You are one of the strongest people I've ever met. Others see it in you everyday even though you don't see it in yourself.

Thank you for believing in me.

Take care of yourself... it matters. You matter.

~ Toby

Charlie blinked back tears. Dang it Toby she silently chastised as she fought to push her emotions down. How is it that he kept getting to her when she could shut the rest of the world out with ease? Yes he was a telepath, but that was not why he got under her skin. There was something so genuine about it when he reached out to people that it caught them off guard. Toby had a unique innocence or naivete that was amazing considering everything that had happened in his life.

Underneath where the letter had been there was a spare pamphlet like the one she had given to Cali for the rape support group. She must have tossed it there in her hurry to get ready for Toby's that night. There was a meeting listed that started in about thirty minutes.

"You better be right about this Mr. Toby Logan… " Holding her head a little higher, she grabbed her jacket.

The meeting room at the local community center was not large, but it was welcomingly lit. There was a circle of fifteen chairs in the room with ladies of various ages occupying about half of them. Charlie quietly shadowed the open doorway of the one marked for the support group with its paper sign taped to the glass window. The woman leading the group noticed her towards the back and smiled as she motioned for her to come in. Looking back from the small sea of faces, Cali's eyes lit up to see the Detective again.

"Please come in … there's plenty of room. Pull up a seat." The director's voice was pleasant and unassuming.

Charlie tucked a strand of hair behind her ear self consciously; gingerly making her way over to the circle.

"My name's Ellen… and we are just about to start…" Charlie didn't meet her eyes but she was there. It was a first step. For the first time, she stopped looking over her shoulder and turned to face her past.

Toby had intended to go to sleep, but flashes of thoughts and images kept assailing his mind to the point where he finally gave up and went to the computer to try to sort it all out. When he sat down he noticed the envelopes that Charlie had returned earlier and went to pick up the four letters to throw them in the trash, but there were only three. A quick shuffle through the names brought the realization she must have kept hers. He felt a little nervous at the thought of her reading it as he wouldn't have told her how much she was beginning to mean to him if he had to face her again.

Maybe it will all work out for the best he tried to tell himself… he had opened the door to his past, found out his brother was alive out there somewhere with telepathic abilities, and now Charlie would know the words he couldn't seem to voice of how much he was starting to care for her.

THE END

* * *

Thank you to all who are reviewing! Have a loosely mapped out plot for a follow up story, but give me at least a month or so before you expect to see it since this one took a few weeks, and several trips back and forth to my Beta reader. When I publish the new story, it will be complete as I rewrite too much as I edit to do chapter posts.


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